The Miracle of Healing Pt. 3

   This is part three of this series. If you missed The Miracle of Healing Pt. 1 and The Miracle of Healing Pt. 2, I would encourage you to read them if you have the time. They serve as a backdrop to this post.

   It's amazing to look at my situation now and see all the prayers God has answered through this hardship. Prayers that I prayed months, even years before, God answered. I've been reading through old journals recently and seeing prayers written in there that I have seen God answer and can see Him answering right at this moment.

   There were three prayers in particular that I'd like to share with you.

   1. Assurance of salvation: I have struggled with my eternal security for a number of years. The method by which I was saved was not "ideal", but I can't deny that I was saved in spite of the method. I was very young when I received Christ and at the time, I can't say I had a knowledge of sin to the degree that I became aware of as I matured. I just wanted Jesus. I just wanted to be His. As I got older, I ran into areas in my life where I fell into sin that I knew were wrong. As a young married woman, the guilt from my sin made me question my salvation. Even after confession, I struggled with guilt. God was always there to reassure me, to show me how the Holy Spirit was convicting my heart, which showed I was His, I was safe and secure and that I just needed to receive His forgiveness and place my trust in His work done on the cross for me. And I would stop doubting...for awhile. But then I would do a Bible study or hear a message that talked about how a believer could never practice sin and it would remind me of my former years of sinfulness and the doubts would come back. I remember asking God why He let me sin like that and His answer, I will never forget: "To humble you."

   It was true. Growing up in a Christian home, I avoided making a lot of the outwardly common mistakes many unbelievers make. I thought I was a pretty good person. Outwardly, I appeared to be an exceptional young person, but I had hidden sin that no one knew about. However, since it wasn't seen by others, I had a very self-righteous attitude toward others whose sin was more outward. And if it hadn't been for that area of weakness in me where I seemed to continuously fail and I couldn't gain control over it no matter how hard I tried, I don't think I would've ever had a real awareness of what being set free from sin was like or what the sacrifice of Christ meant for me (unless God had somehow revealed that to me in some other manner or form). God set me free from my sin when I came to Him in humility, wanting to be free and acknowledging I couldn't be free without Him.

   God had been my Friend for so long and I had been so fond of Him as a girl, so simple with Him. After repenting of my sin and being delivered, I started to really see God as the holy God that He was and is. But I somehow lost my closeness with Him in the middle of that. I was afraid of Him. I was afraid of failing Him. And I wasn't trusting in Him anymore, I was trusting in myself. It wasn't simple, now it was complicated. There was still that self-righteousness in me and any time I failed in any way, I thought for sure that I must not be a Christian, that I must not love the Lord; otherwise, I wouldn't have done this or that. And so my life became one of performance again. Before, I had been performing for my family and friends, putting on a good facade to cover up my sin. Now I was performing for a God I desperately wanted to please and be right with. I can't tell you how many times as I go back through my journals through the years, the same prayer is there. "God, I want to be secure in my salvation! I don't want to spend the rest of my life doubting my salvation!"

   Well, friends, God hears our prayers. And He ended up answering mine in a way I couldn't have imagined. He took my health away. Just utterly flattened me, physically. I remember one morning upon waking up shortly after this trial had begun, God spoke scripture to my heart that made me understand the purpose for this trial. The scripture was from Luke 22:31-32 and the Lord simply spoke to my heart, "Satan has asked to sift you like wheat, but I am praying that your faith will not fail." The moment I heard that, I knew. I knew that this was about the assurance of my salvation. I knew that this was about my faith being tried. I could not have imagined, however, how hard and long I would have to fight or how severe the battle would become.

   2. Anticipation of heaven: This was something else I prayed about. I did not have an excitement and anticipation of heaven. Whenever I thought about it, there was almost a feeling of dread when I thought of it never ending. That seemed a bit dull. I knew something was wrong and that my heart's response wasn't right. So I asked God to change my heart and my view about heaven. Goodness!! This trial has certainly done that! I yearn for heaven now. I am looking forward to it so very much! I still can't wrap my mind around forever and ever...that just makes me feel so funny! Haha! Something having no end just...wow! But something about having a physical problem that could well indeed last the rest of my life and knowing that it's not forever. That this trial is but for a moment and that heaven is forever and all will be right and perfect there and all suffering will be forever gone! I am so excited about heaven now!! =)

   3. Passion for the lost: When Gary and I were a young couple with just two small children, we went out with people from our fellowship and shared the gospel. We would go to shopping centers, parks, and various public places, sharing the gospel with people using tracts and having one-on-one conversations with people. I can't tell you how fulfilling this was. I remember the first night I went out and I came back just so filled, completely amazed at how rewarding it was. I remember writing a song that night about sharing the gospel. That night had a huge impact on me. And we kept doing it here and there through the years.

   Then as life got busier, we didn't go out as much. Our kids were older now and some of the conversations wouldn't have been appropriate for them to have heard, so there was the dilemma of one of us going and one of us staying. Neither of us really like that dilemma. My handing out tracts dwindled. I was busy and just needed to do my errands, not have passing out tracts to worry about, for crying out loud! Wow...writing that is sad. Pretty heartless of me, I know.

   Another baby came along and it was at the hospital that I realized something was wrong with me. I had a hard time giving our labor and delivery nurse a tract...I was almost embarrassed and ashamed to. And I couldn't get the guts up to give people tracts that came into the room to take care of the various things that are taken care of when you're in recovery. I would literally get all nervous and scared and freeze. I ended up just leaving a tract in the room before I left. Someone would find it, right? I started praying about this obvious decrease in passion for the lost. I didn't do much about it, to be honest. With a new baby and life now even busier, it wasn't a top priority. But it was on my heart and God knew that and He used my health crisis to get my attention and impress into me an awareness that I will never, ever forget for the rest of my life.

   When things with my health were at their worst, my body felt like it was literally on fire inside constantly. It was beyond agonizing. I really thought I was going to go crazy, it was that incredibly tormenting. I would just get through the day moment by moment, often praying, "God, You are my Keeper. Keep me right now. Keep my mind." I prayed that all throughout the day.

   There was a day when I said (either silently or out loud) something like, "This is hell...this must be what hell is like!" What followed immediately was God's reply of, "This is NOTHING compared to hell!" It was at that moment that I realized if what I was facing and experiencing was just even a tiny taste of hell, then people headed there have absolutely NO IDEA what they will experience. I mean, I can't even begin to describe the torment I was in, because it is completely beyond words. The only, only reason I am sane is because God kept me. That's the only reason, period. There were moments when I was on the brink of just losing it. This really got my attention and I saw that here was God answering another prayer. So completely unlike how I thought He would, but it was answered just the same. I got a tiny, minuscule taste of hell that made me not want anyone to experience even as much as I had.

   I'm honestly still working on this. I haven't actually gone out yet to talk one on one with people...not strong enough for that yet. But I've had other opportunities to share the gospel with others, like my old neighbor, relatives, here on line. I know it's not much, but it's something. And I've got to build back up to that place of having the confidence to just walk up to anyone and share the gospel. For me, it starts with putting tracts in my purse...I keep forgetting! My personal favorite is this one from Living Waters. It's small, has a thorough and biblical explanation of the gospel in it if all you can do at the moment is leave it by the sink in a restroom, on a table at a restaurant (with your generous tip), or simply put it into the hands of someone as you're leaving a grocery store, at a gas station, taking a walk...wherever!

   My 13-year-old is actually such an inspiration to me in this. She is so bold and passes out tracts a lot. She doesn't ever seem to forget to pack them in her purse! I need to be more like her and I need to get into following her example. It's true...there's a lot of excuses we can find to not do it. For myself, I just hardly go anywhere. But when I do, I can give tracts out...that's what I need to remember. That's a starting point. I've got to get back to sharing one on one. That is a goal of mine and by God's grace, I will get the strength back to hit the shopping centers and public areas and be able to handle the initial stress of that first one on one conversation. Whooo! That first one is the hardest, but it seems to get easier from there. Just talking about this makes me want to go out and do it! haha! =)

   So there you have it! The three very big, specific prayers that God used this health crisis to answer and remedy in my life. There are so many more prayers that have been answered, I could go on and on. But I wanted to concentrate on these three, because they were ones that had been on my heart for awhile and it just shows that God cares and He hears the cry of our hearts. My health trial has been a means of God's healing in spiritual areas that I couldn't remedy myself. It's interesting as you continue walking through a health problem, how many aspects of healing begin to emerge. My healing has been deep down inside of me so far.


  
   I've only got one more part in this series to share with you to wrap things up and then we're done. Thanks for hanging in there with me. If this has bored you to death, I'm so sorry!! But I needed to lay this foundation, so I could move on to sharing a journey with you that I mentioned in the second installment of this series. We'll be headed out soon! =)

God is always faithful and good,

Adriel

The Miracle of Healing Pt. 2

   If you missed The Miracle of Healing Pt. 1, take a few minutes to read it. It's somewhat of a backdrop to this post and will help you understand some things about me and may help you not jump to conclusions about me based on this post alone.

   I have put off writing this post for a number of reasons. Namely that I know writing this will be emotionally difficult, merely because of the transparency with which I am sharing, in addition to how very raw I am. I also think that what I write will be scrutinized and possibly criticized - I'm covering some topics that are a bit touchy. And finally, that it will mark the beginning of sharing a journey with you that I've known I needed to embark on, but have held back, not knowing if I'm strong enough to face it.

   I've only shared bits and pieces of the trial I've faced for almost two years with you. And I'm not even sure that I'm ready to go back and walk through the painful memories that are still so fresh and sometimes haunting, but I know I'm supposed to share my story in regard to the last couple of years. This post is a prelude to the journey I plan on taking in the near future. I hope you will join me.

   In The Miracle of Healing Pt. 1, I told you the story about the miraculous healing of our son. In these next parts, I'd like to talk about a different kind of healing that God has been doing in my life.

   I will be giving a lot more background and details in the proceeding posts, but I want to begin by telling you that I have been unwell for quite awhile, markedly following our second child's birth. For whatever reason, my body doesn't respond well to pregnancies and deliveries and with each one, my health has gotten worse and worse. The past two years have been the hardest and worst, following my most recent pregnancy and delivery in March 2012. 

I've prayed for physical healing, I've been anointed with oil twice and prayed over by elders of the church, and I've continued praying and believing that God can heal me. I pray every day for physical healing. I haven't been told by God to stop, so I continue to pray. I am completely confident that God can heal physical infirmities if He so wills. There is not a doubt in my mind about that.

   There are some who think a believer should never be sick, that God's will is for everyone to be physically healed and well, and that whatever you ask from God, you're going to get. I've been challenged to present verses that tell when Jesus did not heal or what diseases He did not conquer on the cross. I honestly am not up to a debate on this topic and to be completely truthful, the challenge from a certain individual left me feeling like the wind had been knocked out of me (because along with their challenge came some very strong words that were painful to hear when you've been sick for so long). If you share these views, I hope and pray that you are never faced with physical suffering that leaves you wondering what you did wrong, how you failed, or in what way your faith was too small. Before you judge someone who is sick, please try to have some compassion and consideration toward the individual who is suffering. You may be wrong.

   And briefly, I will say that while there are many miracles recorded in the Bible, there were also saints who were sick. Timothy was encouraged by Paul to drink a little wine for his frequent ailments (1 Timothy 5:23) and Paul had to leave behind a brother named Trophimus, who must have been terribly sick if he wasn't able to travel (2 Timothy 4:20). And to answer the question - which diseases are not subject to Christ, I say none. They are all subject to Him, but we live in a fallen world and sickness is part of the deal. One day, we are promised an eternal home where God will wipe every tear from our eyes and there will be no more death, sorrow, crying or pain (Revelation 21:4). If we weren't going to have any more pain and suffering in this life on earth, why would God promise us this for our life after we go to be with Him? So that's where I'm coming from. I believe God still heals physically and I've seen Him do it (just read part one of this series). But I also believe there are other ways He heals that are not so obvious to us.

   I want to focus on other ways God has been

healing me during these last nearly two years. This healing is not physical, but is, I believe, even more important. God has been healing my heart. He has been healing me spiritually. He has been healing me emotionally. He has been healing me mentally. 

   If God were to have answered my prayer for healing back when my health collapsed, maybe I would be physically healthy, but I would not be as spiritually healthy as I am today. I was so busy with life, I didn't have time to consider what I was thinking about my husband, why I was responding to certain situations in the manner I was, or how I was erroneously viewing God. I remember feeling like a chicken running around with its head cut off, barely keeping my head above water...yeah, the same one that was cut off! haha! No, but really, I was just barely surviving.

   And God cared about that. He cared about me. And God decided to intervene, even though He knew it was going to hurt me terribly and even make me angry at Him for a season. God saw the eternal and spiritual benefits of allowing me to go through a season of physical suffering. God cares much more about our spiritual health than our physical health and I am so thankful that He does.

 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 4:2-4

   It's interesting to look back at the situation now and see all the prayers God has answered through this hardship. Prayers that I prayed months, even years before, God answered. There were three in particular that I'd like to share with you... (to be continued next time!)


   God is my Song in the night! This song has been an encouragement to me and continues to be. I hope it encourages you as well. =)

The Lord is my Healer,

Adriel

Click here for Part 3!

Passion for Christ

Today, a question at a ballgame and encouragement from Sunday's sermon collide! Are you ready for it?!

A lot of us are familiar with The Passion of the Christ film that came out ten years ago. When I saw the movie, it impacted how I looked at Christ's sacrifice. It made me realize to a greater degree than before, how physically horrendous Christ's torture was. And I know that this torture paled in comparison to the separation He would face on the cross as He bore the sins of the world and the wrath of the Almighty God fell upon Him and His Father forsook Him. It's amazing to think that Christ was forsaken by God so that I never would be. That thought touches me so deeply.

Perhaps this is not the best match for this post as far as pictures go. I took it recently at a ballgame as I thought of the question I ask myself on other occasions to the ballpark, which is something to the sort of, "Look at all these people going crazy and being so excited about this game. What would happen if people got this excited about Jesus?"

Now you may not even be into sports, but the question is really a matter of the heart. Whatever you're fond of or enjoy and get excited about...are you as excited about the Lord as that? It's a fair question, I think. I am finding that even "good" things like marriage, parenting, homeschooling, music, singing, ministering...yeah, I can get more excited about those things than about God.

And I'm not suggesting that this question applies only to a Sunday worship service. Don't get me wrong! I'm all for people making that vertical, intimate connection with God during times of praise and worship where everyone and everything around them fades away and it's just them and God. They don't care who or if anyone is watching them. They enter into that special, secret place where the words connect with their heart and the only response is to just raise their hands to God in surrender and adoration. (That is really just wonderful and I hope everyone knows what that is like.)

But I'm really talking about more than that. I'm talking about beyond the four walls of the church. I'm talking about outside of the church activities. I'm talking about our daily lives. And I'm talking about more than outward demonstrations of adoration and passion for God.

Today, "passion" has a much different meaning than where it originated from. The origins of this word go back to 1125-1175 AD. It stems from the Latin word "passiō", which means suffering and submission.

This begs the question, am I passionate for God the way I ought to be? Am I willing to suffer because I love God? Am I willing to submit my will and desires to being crucified daily? Am I willing to look like a fool for my Lord?

Jesus did that for each one of us. He looked like a fool. Our pastor reminded us of that this past Sunday, that as Jesus was dying on the cross, people challenged Him by saying if He was really Who He said He was, then He could just come down from the cross. He chose to look like a fool...for you and for me and He stayed on that cross and appeared to not be Who He had claimed to be. And why? Because if He had not, we wouldn't be having this conversation, would we? But more than that, we would still be dead in our sins, without hope of salvation and eternal life.

So along with that question from Saturday's game, Sunday's message gave even more depth to what I was questioning in myself. The message was really encouraging and lifted my gaze upward. Our pastor talked about Christ's sacrifice and what it entailed. A couple points that really stuck out to me from the message were:

1: In the middle of trials, don't leave the cross. Pick up the cross, don't discard it. The cross was the way to victory for us through Christ's sacrifice and still is. I personally have not been picking up my cross as I should have been lately. I've been using an ongoing trial (and a move) as an excuse to not be "passionate" for God, so as to not suffer more and to make things easier on my flesh. I was convicted to hold that cross close and embrace it again as an old, dear friend.

2: The cross is freedom. That's the opposite of what our minds tell us, isn't it? But it's the truth. The cross is a daily choice, which means freedom is a choice as well. The cross = freedom. You want freedom? Pick up your cross and follow after Jesus!

Here's some questions that Saturday's ballgame and Sunday's message have caused me to ask myself: Am I cheering for God's will in my life, even if it's not what I would choose? Am I standing up for His truth, even if the crowd is abandoning it? Am I applauding what is holy and righteous, even though it makes a conversation uncomfortable? Am I making a fool of myself for God's glory and kingdom, even if it makes me unpopular?

Friends, let's live for the Lord the same way He died for us: passionately!

Rejoicing in Christ,

Adriel

"New in You" - Salvation's Work

   This song highlights what I was before God saved me. I wrote this song down a long time ago. I can't even remember when or why! But the point is that I am new in Jesus and for any true believer in Christ, this song is true as well.

   I love the analogies that go with this song. Think about them. Think about what you were before Christ. Think about where you were headed. Think about the reality of you, as an individual, before becoming a believer.

   And then think about what God did in your life. The profound changes that occurred and still affect you today in how you live, how you talk, how you react, etc. It's amazing, isn't it?

   And this song is just a reminder of that glorious work God has done in my life and in yours if you're a believer as well. Blessings to you, my friends! =)

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

The Miracle of Healing Pt. 1

(You can skip to the bottom for the song if you're in a hurry.)

I had planned on sharing a different post today, but I have had this one written for some time with the intention to eventually share it. I received an email from a fellow mother with an infant son who had a rough start to begin with and has had a number of procedures already in his little life so far. She shared something that just hit home for me and I really was led to share this post today instead of the other one. Praying for an incredible miracle for my friend's son!

   When our son was about a month old, he became very ill in a matter of just a few hours. By the end of what had started out as a seemingly normal day, he was terribly lethargic, not nursing well and his stool was bloody (among other things that I won't gross you out with). We took him to the ER. They did a few tests, even a spinal tap checking for meningitis, but no answers came. They admitted him and put him on antibiotics. I stayed with him since I was nursing him.

   I don't remember a lot from that time. Just little pieces. It was one of those awful experiences that I guess my brain blocked out a lot of remembrance of. I can't remember if we stayed there for seven days or ten. It was one of the two. I don't remember seeing our oldest daughter at all during that time. From what I hear, she stayed with my parents during the day and my husband would take her home with him after work to sleep at home. I don't remember what I ate or if I ate regularly.

   I do remember the interruptions at night with nurses coming in to check on our son. I remember it was the one year anniversary of 9/11, because they were showing all that stuff on the television. I do remember a visit or two from family and a friend. I remember my husband giving me a break for a few hours so I could go home and get a shower at least once (it had to have been more than that). The most vivid memory, however, was the overwhelming sense of oppression over that situation. It was very dark. It was not just a normal thing.

   After the seven (or ten) days on the antibiotics, Jacob was doing so much better and was declared ready to leave the hospital. His symptoms were gone, so they took him off the antibiotics and sent us home.

   And then a few days later, it all came back again. We caught it this time with enough time to get in to see the pediatrician. This time, they sent us home with a stool sample collection kit. (Sorry for the gross details.) We collected the necessary samples and dropped those off at the lab and waited a couple of days. The results that came back were shocking. Our son had salmonella poisoning, but not just any kind. Reptilian salmonella poisoning. WHAT?! We didn't own any pets, we'd hardly gone anywhere with the kid. We just don't venture out all that much when they're that little. It was a puzzle to us.

   So back on the antibiotics he went, this time for the full round. Little did we know that the time he had been on the antibiotics in the hospital had been just long enough to get rid of the symptoms, but not long enough to eliminate the bacteria from his system. Instead, the shorter amount of time on the antibiotics had led to the bacteria building up an immunity to the treatment.

   He got better for a little while, but the symptoms continued to return with full vengeance. The poor little guy was getting weaker and weaker. He was in a lot of discomfort. I remember my husband holding him on the couch just so our son could sleep. Somehow, having that presence of his daddy and the comfort it brought helped give our little baby boy the rest he needed.

   Back and forth we went. Antibiotics. Symptoms returning. Stool sample. Wait for positive result from lab. Get another prescription for antibiotics. Administer for two weeks. And the cycle continued. I forget how many times we went through this.

   I had a person from the city call me asking me questions regarding bottles and water. That's how odd (and serious) this case was. The city was wondering if it was their problem. If perhaps the water supply was contaminated. Yeah.

   It came to light that the pediatrician's office had seen two other reptilian salmonella cases right around the same time we had taken Jacob in for his checkup previous to him getting sick. These kids actually did have pets carrying this bacteria in their homes. And when I thought about it, I never remember the nurses washing their hands before they handled my baby. So I'm pretty sure that is how all that began. Bad hygiene.

   But back to our little baby. He'd been through round after round of antibiotics that were clearly not eliminating the bacteria entirely. He was slowly declining. I remember my husband telling me one day as we were dealing with this that while he had been holding Jacob, God had asked him, "If I take your son, will you still love Me?" That hit my heart so hard, like a punch in the stomach. But the answer for both of us was, "Yes".

   The situation became critical to the point that the pediatrician called us after months of this ongoing cycle. He ordered us to get Jacob admitted into the hospital immediately for (I think) two weeks of IV antibiotics. But it just didn't sit right with us and when my husband said, "I'm not sure if we're going to do that", the pediatrician minced no words in saying, "Then whatever happens to your son is not my responsibility." It was at this point that it really was obvious that even the doctor recognized how critical it was, enough to indirectly say that if Jacob died, it was not his responsibility.

   What do you do? We had a tough decision to make. The IV antibiotics weren't guaranteed to work and there was the possibility of more harm from them to Jacob's body in addition to what had already occurred. And in our gut, deep down, although logically it seemed like the most reasonable thing to do was take him to the hospital, it didn't sit right. 

   My husband called one of the elders of the church we attended at the time and explained the situation to him. The day he called happened to be Wednesday, which was when they had evening prayer. The elder suggested we bring Jacob to the prayer meeting so that he could be lifted up in prayer.

   We went. We thought we should at least give God the opportunity before rushing to the hospital. It wasn't that we hadn't been praying for him on our own. But the suggestion of corporate prayer drew us.

   I don't remember very much from that prayer meeting either. I don't remember if they anointed Jacob with oil or who prayed what, but I remember my brother, who was around 11 at the time, coming up to me afterward and saying to me, "I believe Jacob is healed!" I think I answered with a non-committed "maybe". I remember scoffing in my mind, being skeptical and I remember God being very firm with me about my attitude later that evening and rebuking me in a sense for not having faith like a child and for having the gall to snuff out my brother's childlike faith with a skeptical response. I decided to dare to believe that my son had been healed.

   The next day, there were still some very slight symptoms and I found my heart doubting. But I pushed the doubt away and resolutely believed my son was healed. The rest of that day and afterward, Jacob was fine. God completely healed him, not only eliminating the bacteria and the symptoms entirely, but also healing the damage internally to his system. He was absolutely fine!! Even the stool samples I had taken when he was obviously symptomatic a day or so before prayer ended up coming back negative for salmonella! God even took care of that little detail in the lab. It was a miracle and when God does a miracle, He doesn't leave any loose ends!

   To be frank and honest, I do not believe in naming and claiming it and it will be so. I am in no place to be ordering God around. "I claim by faith that God is going to give me a new car" or whatever our brains think up. That's not what this was. When God moves your heart to ask for something and dares you to stand and believe that it will be so, that is a matter of true faith.

   The thing is, I can't say my faith was really all that great or much at the time. It really was pretty puny. Pathetic, even. But for whatever reason, God wanted to heal our son miraculously, and He did, not because we were people of great faith, but because He is a great God and wanted to show His power to us in that way. I can't tell you how much this encouraged people who had been praying for our son. And in addition, this was something we were able to share with Jacob as he got older, especially when he went through a time of wrestling with surrendering his life to Christ.

   This song I'm sharing today, God gave to me during that time of our son being sick. I wondered if he'd make it. And in light of the question God had asked my husband regarding taking our son, I knew I had to hold on to God. I didn't know how our story with Jacob would end when I wrote this. It was right in the middle of that whole ordeal. When I go through hard things, I find writing therapeutic. I write what's on my heart and mind. I write the things that I can't seem to express out loud. Like I've said before, hard times make for busy writing seasons! =)

   It is extra special to me to be sharing this song with you, not only because my son is alive and well, but also because my husband sang this song with me. It's special to sing a song about this situation with him. It's an old recording and it's not the best quality, but I hope that it encourages you to hold on in the middle of whatever you are facing at this moment in your life. There is hope and it's not in your circumstance changing, it is in Jesus Christ! God bless you!

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

Click here for Part 2!

"I Will Praise You" - Music Friday!

(This post is rather long...video is at the bottom!)

There's not very much to share with you as far as the story behind this song. I don't remember it and my journals are all packed up. Yes, we are in the middle of moving. Three weeks ago, moving was the last thing I imagined I'd be doing right now!

So, I will tell you the story behind our move instead, because it kind of fits in with today's song, being a praise and worship song. And this move is really a blessing that we didn't see coming. And if you can't see how this story has anything to do with the song, that's okay. Just go with it. ;)

(If you're a close friend, you've probably already have heard all this, so just skip it!)

A few years back, 2007 to be exact, before the economy went downhill (we all remember that, right?), my husband and I pursued the ultimate dream of independence and wealth and opened a restaurant. That was stupid, we know. And to add to our stupidity we took out a huge business loan to embark on this venture. My husband's main motive was to get out of debt. Yeah. Get in a lot more debt to get out of the little debt you're in. Smart. It sounded smart at the time when we looked at numbers from other stores and my husband made the business plan. Really, it did. A no-fail plan.

Everything was inflated and the expenses for build out were crazy because everything was expensive then and our home was worth twice as much as it had been when we had bought it in 2001. Do you want to guess what we did? Maybe you're afraid to. I understand. Prepare yourself...

We took out a home equity line of credit and paid off a good chunk of the business loan. We defied those naysayers that said your first year in the restaurant business was your worst. They were so wrong! Our first year was phenomenal! We did awesome! We were the star store of Arizona! Woohoo! We were successful! Ha!

And then the economy tanked. And people stopped eating out so often. And having our own business wasn't quite so appealing anymore. The reality of actually owning our own business crashed down on us, especially my husband who managed it. The hiring and firing, the endless training (there was always someone to train), the constant employee drama (there was a drug ring among some of our employees, would you believe it?!), the dwindling profit, the never-ending work that had to be done all the time, and to add to all that, the huge burden of the debt we were in.

By the grace of God, we sold that store at the end of 2010. Yes, we took a BIG loss. But it was enough to pay off the rest of the business loan and now we only had the mortgage for our house and the HELOC. "Only" isn't the best word to use, but in light of having three loans, two was better. I should add that before we sold the store, Gary had hired a manager and God had graciously provided Gary with another job in the field that he left (to open this lovely business), so we had a steady income with which we were able to cover the payments for these two loans.

A couple of years ago, our family went through a financial seminar and we were able to see, from scripture, that debt was wrong. We had always known that to a degree, but we had never considered a mortgage a "real" debt until we really examined the scriptures and the math. You pay for that house a few times with a mortgage! Goodness!

God greatly impressed on our hearts to get out of debt. And so we diligently stuck with it. We had learned to live on less in the lean months from the store before my husband had gotten another job, so we continued that lifestyle and the rest of the money went toward our debt. Last year, we paid off the mortgage for the house. We were down one with one to go!

My husband is a numbers man and he estimated we would be able to be completely out of debt and have the HELOC paid off in six to seven years. That seemed so far away, but we have been keeping at it. You feel like you're digging a tunnel through a mountain with a shovel, or maybe even a spoon. Slowly.

And then, about three weeks ago, my daughter answered the phone and took a message from the bank where we have the HELOC. After family prayer on a Monday night, my husband said rather casually, "Oh, I called that lady back and our HELOC is maturing in May." Um...!!!!! Apparently, because of changes that the Obama administration has made to these loans, our terms have suddenly changed and $100,000+ is due in May. Um, yeah. Thanks for giving us two months to cough that up. haha!

My husband and I spent some time discussing the situation that evening and the next day. It got us thinking. Really, it was just a push from the Lord in the direction He was wanting us to go in. We, as a family, have made a decision to not get into any more debt. Although we could renew the HELOC (and actually we will to protect the house in case it doesn't sell by May), we didn't have the peace about continuing to stay in debt. It didn't take long for us to arrive at a decision that we both knew was right: Sell our house, pay off the HELOC and rent. NO MORE DEBT!

We decided that if we were going to go to the trouble of moving, we wanted to move into something bigger. We are a family of six in a three-bedroom home right now with 1365 sq. ft. We are very thankful for our current house and have found creative ways to make it work for us. My husband has gone crazy with adding storage wherever he has been able to. And the truth is, we could keep living here and we would be happy. We were quite prepared to stay in this house for a number of years and pay off the HELOC little by little. But God has decided to move us into something bigger that will meet our needs better in this season of our life.

We looked at a few homes that very same week, but none were right for us. Toward the end of the week, we looked at one more. It was incredible! Gary called about it and got the initial papers turned in along with the processing fee. We found out we were first in line and there were other people after us interested in it. God literally led us to this house and everything went through and we our move in date is April 1st.

No joke, guys, this all happened so fast, we were just shocked! I mean, it was basically one week and everything was in place for a completely new direction for our lives. When God wants to move (or wants you to move, literally!), He will make it happen!

So that is the crazy story of our life right now! I am so blessed by what God has done and is doing and how He has led us. A year ago, I would be bummed out about all this. I would be focusing on everything that I'm losing. But I am so thankful to see how God has been slowly changing how I look at things and that I have been able to see how He is blessing us at this very moment through this circumstance. It amazes me how good He is!

I hope you enjoy this simple praise and worship song. May each one of you see the marvelous work of God in your lives, even in the things that don't look great at first glance. God is worthy of everything we can offer Him! Have a blessed day!

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

"In the Middle" - Story Behind the Song

(Song is at the bottom if you're in a hurry!)

Image credit: "In the Middle II" by flickr user Hartwig HKD
CC license: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/

This song...I don't remember what was going on when I wrote it. The only clues I have are from my journal and that year, we had opened up a restaurant. I had concerns over that. I see that I wrote about being in a wilderness of sorts and that I was asking God to help me not look at my circumstances. But perhaps the most telling is this entry from just four days after writing this song:

8/9/07   "I had to trim my tomato plants a couple of days ago. The plants were growing so wild and the weight from the tops of them was bringing the whole plant down upon itself. In trimming it, I had to cut off parts of the plant that had very small, very dwarfed tomatoes. These tomatoes would have never reached their full potential. Instead, they would have matured into fruit that could not have been used and in addition to this, the energy and resources that went into them would have taken away from the rest of the plant.
   Last night, I was contemplating this, as sometimes it is the same in my own life. God does pruning and I look at the pile of trimmings and there is dwarfed fruit in the pile. I complain to the Lord, pointing out that there is 'fruit after its own kind' in the pile. It's true that since it is fruit that should be there, it is therefore arguably 'good' fruit. But what if this supposedly 'good' fruit would never reach its full potential, that it would never be used; that instead, its only purpose was to suck life out of the plant and the rest of the good fruit. It shouldn't remain.
   I don't know if I'm fully grasping the entire message in this picture, but I do know it has helped me see more about God's pruning. I tend to lose heart during that process. In actuality, the Lord is really narrowing my focus to the fruit that will completely mature and be useful. God is much more aware of the fact that chaff will be burned up; the excess that cannot be used will be destroyed.
   Thank God that He takes the time now to trim us! If He waited until the end of this age, there would be a great deal of 'waste'. He certainly has our best interest in mind when He prunes us!"

   And that, my friends, is the story behind this song, "In the Middle". I was in the middle of struggling with God over my situation at the time, but it doesn't take long to realize that it's simply useless to struggle with God. What good does it do? And why do we think we know better?

   As I'm in the middle of another situation that is difficult, I find encouragement in these past experiences and my heart takes comfort in being reminded that God is my Father, He loves me, He wants to prosper me and do me good. I'm learning to surrender. I'm learning to say "thank you" with each snip of the pruning shears, even though it's painful. I'm learning to love those dear hands that are molding me - a lifeless, dull, ugly lump of clay - into a vessel that the Potter can use in His house, though they may work me in a way that doesn't make sense or is uncomfortable. Yes, I am learning. Praise God for being such a patient teacher.

   I leave you with the verse that was written along with the journal entry I shared with you.

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

James 1:2-4

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel