Is it safe now? Okay, here we go.
I want to talk about the painful side of songwriting today. The songwriting that makes me cringe and I draw away from the idea of it a little. The reaction inside of me is something like, "No...not a song about that...please!?" And yet, I'm somehow compelled to write about it regardless of my feelings.
Songwriting can be really, really painful. It can be one of the most gut-wrenching experiences. Sometimes. Not all the time, but sometimes. There are some songwriting seasons that are more painful than others when the painful songs seem to come one right after the other. Other times, there are seasons of songwriting bliss. We're not talking about the songwriting bliss today...sorry. ;)
Songwriting is a collision of truth, thoughts, emotions, and music. It makes me face myself, face situations, face God, face people, face fears, and face memories in a way that completely disarms me. I don't know if that is because of the music or the fact that I can freely write everything on my heart in a way that feels safe.
God uses songwriting in my life as a way to mold my heart and purify me. He uses it to help me sort things out and get my mind thinking straight again, to believe what's true when I'm in the middle of doubt, to make me stronger in my faith in the face of adversity. I honestly don't know what I'd do without songwriting. I would feel really lost without it.
Last week, I was in the process of writing a song that was very difficult to write. It was one of those terribly painful songs. It made me put into words a memory that I had practically blocked from my mind. God used something last week which caused me to remember it and when I did, it was like a dam breaking. I broke down in sobs and there was a flood of tears.
And I knew there was a song there. No matter how much it hurt to write it, as a songwriter, I knew I had to write this song. Once I know a song must be written, there's no turning back. It's gotta come out!!
And when I started writing the song, I found something sweet that I hadn't expected to find in the middle of the nightmare. God wanted me to discover that sweet part. And I found some healing too that meant so much. As much as the song itself puts a lump in my throat and brings me to the verge of tears, it was worth writing and it was a blessing to my heart.
And isn't that just like God to do that? God always knows what He's doing. =)