The Miracle of Healing Pt. 2

   If you missed The Miracle of Healing Pt. 1, take a few minutes to read it. It's somewhat of a backdrop to this post and will help you understand some things about me and may help you not jump to conclusions about me based on this post alone.

   I have put off writing this post for a number of reasons. Namely that I know writing this will be emotionally difficult, merely because of the transparency with which I am sharing, in addition to how very raw I am. I also think that what I write will be scrutinized and possibly criticized - I'm covering some topics that are a bit touchy. And finally, that it will mark the beginning of sharing a journey with you that I've known I needed to embark on, but have held back, not knowing if I'm strong enough to face it.

   I've only shared bits and pieces of the trial I've faced for almost two years with you. And I'm not even sure that I'm ready to go back and walk through the painful memories that are still so fresh and sometimes haunting, but I know I'm supposed to share my story in regard to the last couple of years. This post is a prelude to the journey I plan on taking in the near future. I hope you will join me.

   In The Miracle of Healing Pt. 1, I told you the story about the miraculous healing of our son. In these next parts, I'd like to talk about a different kind of healing that God has been doing in my life.

   I will be giving a lot more background and details in the proceeding posts, but I want to begin by telling you that I have been unwell for quite awhile, markedly following our second child's birth. For whatever reason, my body doesn't respond well to pregnancies and deliveries and with each one, my health has gotten worse and worse. The past two years have been the hardest and worst, following my most recent pregnancy and delivery in March 2012. 

I've prayed for physical healing, I've been anointed with oil twice and prayed over by elders of the church, and I've continued praying and believing that God can heal me. I pray every day for physical healing. I haven't been told by God to stop, so I continue to pray. I am completely confident that God can heal physical infirmities if He so wills. There is not a doubt in my mind about that.

   There are some who think a believer should never be sick, that God's will is for everyone to be physically healed and well, and that whatever you ask from God, you're going to get. I've been challenged to present verses that tell when Jesus did not heal or what diseases He did not conquer on the cross. I honestly am not up to a debate on this topic and to be completely truthful, the challenge from a certain individual left me feeling like the wind had been knocked out of me (because along with their challenge came some very strong words that were painful to hear when you've been sick for so long). If you share these views, I hope and pray that you are never faced with physical suffering that leaves you wondering what you did wrong, how you failed, or in what way your faith was too small. Before you judge someone who is sick, please try to have some compassion and consideration toward the individual who is suffering. You may be wrong.

   And briefly, I will say that while there are many miracles recorded in the Bible, there were also saints who were sick. Timothy was encouraged by Paul to drink a little wine for his frequent ailments (1 Timothy 5:23) and Paul had to leave behind a brother named Trophimus, who must have been terribly sick if he wasn't able to travel (2 Timothy 4:20). And to answer the question - which diseases are not subject to Christ, I say none. They are all subject to Him, but we live in a fallen world and sickness is part of the deal. One day, we are promised an eternal home where God will wipe every tear from our eyes and there will be no more death, sorrow, crying or pain (Revelation 21:4). If we weren't going to have any more pain and suffering in this life on earth, why would God promise us this for our life after we go to be with Him? So that's where I'm coming from. I believe God still heals physically and I've seen Him do it (just read part one of this series). But I also believe there are other ways He heals that are not so obvious to us.

   I want to focus on other ways God has been

healing me during these last nearly two years. This healing is not physical, but is, I believe, even more important. God has been healing my heart. He has been healing me spiritually. He has been healing me emotionally. He has been healing me mentally. 

   If God were to have answered my prayer for healing back when my health collapsed, maybe I would be physically healthy, but I would not be as spiritually healthy as I am today. I was so busy with life, I didn't have time to consider what I was thinking about my husband, why I was responding to certain situations in the manner I was, or how I was erroneously viewing God. I remember feeling like a chicken running around with its head cut off, barely keeping my head above water...yeah, the same one that was cut off! haha! No, but really, I was just barely surviving.

   And God cared about that. He cared about me. And God decided to intervene, even though He knew it was going to hurt me terribly and even make me angry at Him for a season. God saw the eternal and spiritual benefits of allowing me to go through a season of physical suffering. God cares much more about our spiritual health than our physical health and I am so thankful that He does.

 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 4:2-4

   It's interesting to look back at the situation now and see all the prayers God has answered through this hardship. Prayers that I prayed months, even years before, God answered. There were three in particular that I'd like to share with you... (to be continued next time!)


   God is my Song in the night! This song has been an encouragement to me and continues to be. I hope it encourages you as well. =)

The Lord is my Healer,

Adriel

Click here for Part 3!

"New in You" - Salvation's Work

   This song highlights what I was before God saved me. I wrote this song down a long time ago. I can't even remember when or why! But the point is that I am new in Jesus and for any true believer in Christ, this song is true as well.

   I love the analogies that go with this song. Think about them. Think about what you were before Christ. Think about where you were headed. Think about the reality of you, as an individual, before becoming a believer.

   And then think about what God did in your life. The profound changes that occurred and still affect you today in how you live, how you talk, how you react, etc. It's amazing, isn't it?

   And this song is just a reminder of that glorious work God has done in my life and in yours if you're a believer as well. Blessings to you, my friends! =)

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

The Miracle of Healing Pt. 1

(You can skip to the bottom for the song if you're in a hurry.)

I had planned on sharing a different post today, but I have had this one written for some time with the intention to eventually share it. I received an email from a fellow mother with an infant son who had a rough start to begin with and has had a number of procedures already in his little life so far. She shared something that just hit home for me and I really was led to share this post today instead of the other one. Praying for an incredible miracle for my friend's son!

   When our son was about a month old, he became very ill in a matter of just a few hours. By the end of what had started out as a seemingly normal day, he was terribly lethargic, not nursing well and his stool was bloody (among other things that I won't gross you out with). We took him to the ER. They did a few tests, even a spinal tap checking for meningitis, but no answers came. They admitted him and put him on antibiotics. I stayed with him since I was nursing him.

   I don't remember a lot from that time. Just little pieces. It was one of those awful experiences that I guess my brain blocked out a lot of remembrance of. I can't remember if we stayed there for seven days or ten. It was one of the two. I don't remember seeing our oldest daughter at all during that time. From what I hear, she stayed with my parents during the day and my husband would take her home with him after work to sleep at home. I don't remember what I ate or if I ate regularly.

   I do remember the interruptions at night with nurses coming in to check on our son. I remember it was the one year anniversary of 9/11, because they were showing all that stuff on the television. I do remember a visit or two from family and a friend. I remember my husband giving me a break for a few hours so I could go home and get a shower at least once (it had to have been more than that). The most vivid memory, however, was the overwhelming sense of oppression over that situation. It was very dark. It was not just a normal thing.

   After the seven (or ten) days on the antibiotics, Jacob was doing so much better and was declared ready to leave the hospital. His symptoms were gone, so they took him off the antibiotics and sent us home.

   And then a few days later, it all came back again. We caught it this time with enough time to get in to see the pediatrician. This time, they sent us home with a stool sample collection kit. (Sorry for the gross details.) We collected the necessary samples and dropped those off at the lab and waited a couple of days. The results that came back were shocking. Our son had salmonella poisoning, but not just any kind. Reptilian salmonella poisoning. WHAT?! We didn't own any pets, we'd hardly gone anywhere with the kid. We just don't venture out all that much when they're that little. It was a puzzle to us.

   So back on the antibiotics he went, this time for the full round. Little did we know that the time he had been on the antibiotics in the hospital had been just long enough to get rid of the symptoms, but not long enough to eliminate the bacteria from his system. Instead, the shorter amount of time on the antibiotics had led to the bacteria building up an immunity to the treatment.

   He got better for a little while, but the symptoms continued to return with full vengeance. The poor little guy was getting weaker and weaker. He was in a lot of discomfort. I remember my husband holding him on the couch just so our son could sleep. Somehow, having that presence of his daddy and the comfort it brought helped give our little baby boy the rest he needed.

   Back and forth we went. Antibiotics. Symptoms returning. Stool sample. Wait for positive result from lab. Get another prescription for antibiotics. Administer for two weeks. And the cycle continued. I forget how many times we went through this.

   I had a person from the city call me asking me questions regarding bottles and water. That's how odd (and serious) this case was. The city was wondering if it was their problem. If perhaps the water supply was contaminated. Yeah.

   It came to light that the pediatrician's office had seen two other reptilian salmonella cases right around the same time we had taken Jacob in for his checkup previous to him getting sick. These kids actually did have pets carrying this bacteria in their homes. And when I thought about it, I never remember the nurses washing their hands before they handled my baby. So I'm pretty sure that is how all that began. Bad hygiene.

   But back to our little baby. He'd been through round after round of antibiotics that were clearly not eliminating the bacteria entirely. He was slowly declining. I remember my husband telling me one day as we were dealing with this that while he had been holding Jacob, God had asked him, "If I take your son, will you still love Me?" That hit my heart so hard, like a punch in the stomach. But the answer for both of us was, "Yes".

   The situation became critical to the point that the pediatrician called us after months of this ongoing cycle. He ordered us to get Jacob admitted into the hospital immediately for (I think) two weeks of IV antibiotics. But it just didn't sit right with us and when my husband said, "I'm not sure if we're going to do that", the pediatrician minced no words in saying, "Then whatever happens to your son is not my responsibility." It was at this point that it really was obvious that even the doctor recognized how critical it was, enough to indirectly say that if Jacob died, it was not his responsibility.

   What do you do? We had a tough decision to make. The IV antibiotics weren't guaranteed to work and there was the possibility of more harm from them to Jacob's body in addition to what had already occurred. And in our gut, deep down, although logically it seemed like the most reasonable thing to do was take him to the hospital, it didn't sit right. 

   My husband called one of the elders of the church we attended at the time and explained the situation to him. The day he called happened to be Wednesday, which was when they had evening prayer. The elder suggested we bring Jacob to the prayer meeting so that he could be lifted up in prayer.

   We went. We thought we should at least give God the opportunity before rushing to the hospital. It wasn't that we hadn't been praying for him on our own. But the suggestion of corporate prayer drew us.

   I don't remember very much from that prayer meeting either. I don't remember if they anointed Jacob with oil or who prayed what, but I remember my brother, who was around 11 at the time, coming up to me afterward and saying to me, "I believe Jacob is healed!" I think I answered with a non-committed "maybe". I remember scoffing in my mind, being skeptical and I remember God being very firm with me about my attitude later that evening and rebuking me in a sense for not having faith like a child and for having the gall to snuff out my brother's childlike faith with a skeptical response. I decided to dare to believe that my son had been healed.

   The next day, there were still some very slight symptoms and I found my heart doubting. But I pushed the doubt away and resolutely believed my son was healed. The rest of that day and afterward, Jacob was fine. God completely healed him, not only eliminating the bacteria and the symptoms entirely, but also healing the damage internally to his system. He was absolutely fine!! Even the stool samples I had taken when he was obviously symptomatic a day or so before prayer ended up coming back negative for salmonella! God even took care of that little detail in the lab. It was a miracle and when God does a miracle, He doesn't leave any loose ends!

   To be frank and honest, I do not believe in naming and claiming it and it will be so. I am in no place to be ordering God around. "I claim by faith that God is going to give me a new car" or whatever our brains think up. That's not what this was. When God moves your heart to ask for something and dares you to stand and believe that it will be so, that is a matter of true faith.

   The thing is, I can't say my faith was really all that great or much at the time. It really was pretty puny. Pathetic, even. But for whatever reason, God wanted to heal our son miraculously, and He did, not because we were people of great faith, but because He is a great God and wanted to show His power to us in that way. I can't tell you how much this encouraged people who had been praying for our son. And in addition, this was something we were able to share with Jacob as he got older, especially when he went through a time of wrestling with surrendering his life to Christ.

   This song I'm sharing today, God gave to me during that time of our son being sick. I wondered if he'd make it. And in light of the question God had asked my husband regarding taking our son, I knew I had to hold on to God. I didn't know how our story with Jacob would end when I wrote this. It was right in the middle of that whole ordeal. When I go through hard things, I find writing therapeutic. I write what's on my heart and mind. I write the things that I can't seem to express out loud. Like I've said before, hard times make for busy writing seasons! =)

   It is extra special to me to be sharing this song with you, not only because my son is alive and well, but also because my husband sang this song with me. It's special to sing a song about this situation with him. It's an old recording and it's not the best quality, but I hope that it encourages you to hold on in the middle of whatever you are facing at this moment in your life. There is hope and it's not in your circumstance changing, it is in Jesus Christ! God bless you!

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

Click here for Part 2!

"In the Middle" - Story Behind the Song

(Song is at the bottom if you're in a hurry!)

Image credit: "In the Middle II" by flickr user Hartwig HKD
CC license: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/

This song...I don't remember what was going on when I wrote it. The only clues I have are from my journal and that year, we had opened up a restaurant. I had concerns over that. I see that I wrote about being in a wilderness of sorts and that I was asking God to help me not look at my circumstances. But perhaps the most telling is this entry from just four days after writing this song:

8/9/07   "I had to trim my tomato plants a couple of days ago. The plants were growing so wild and the weight from the tops of them was bringing the whole plant down upon itself. In trimming it, I had to cut off parts of the plant that had very small, very dwarfed tomatoes. These tomatoes would have never reached their full potential. Instead, they would have matured into fruit that could not have been used and in addition to this, the energy and resources that went into them would have taken away from the rest of the plant.
   Last night, I was contemplating this, as sometimes it is the same in my own life. God does pruning and I look at the pile of trimmings and there is dwarfed fruit in the pile. I complain to the Lord, pointing out that there is 'fruit after its own kind' in the pile. It's true that since it is fruit that should be there, it is therefore arguably 'good' fruit. But what if this supposedly 'good' fruit would never reach its full potential, that it would never be used; that instead, its only purpose was to suck life out of the plant and the rest of the good fruit. It shouldn't remain.
   I don't know if I'm fully grasping the entire message in this picture, but I do know it has helped me see more about God's pruning. I tend to lose heart during that process. In actuality, the Lord is really narrowing my focus to the fruit that will completely mature and be useful. God is much more aware of the fact that chaff will be burned up; the excess that cannot be used will be destroyed.
   Thank God that He takes the time now to trim us! If He waited until the end of this age, there would be a great deal of 'waste'. He certainly has our best interest in mind when He prunes us!"

   And that, my friends, is the story behind this song, "In the Middle". I was in the middle of struggling with God over my situation at the time, but it doesn't take long to realize that it's simply useless to struggle with God. What good does it do? And why do we think we know better?

   As I'm in the middle of another situation that is difficult, I find encouragement in these past experiences and my heart takes comfort in being reminded that God is my Father, He loves me, He wants to prosper me and do me good. I'm learning to surrender. I'm learning to say "thank you" with each snip of the pruning shears, even though it's painful. I'm learning to love those dear hands that are molding me - a lifeless, dull, ugly lump of clay - into a vessel that the Potter can use in His house, though they may work me in a way that doesn't make sense or is uncomfortable. Yes, I am learning. Praise God for being such a patient teacher.

   I leave you with the verse that was written along with the journal entry I shared with you.

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

James 1:2-4

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

"Keep Me Walking" - Story Behind the Song

   There are a few songs that I don't remember the background of...the setting just escapes my memory. But for the majority of them, I do remember fairly well why/when I wrote them down.

   It's quite interesting, really, how these songs are like pictures. Snapshots of time. Forever memories.

   This song - wow. I read the words, I hear the melody and I remember the setting clearly (not to mention I've got a journal that helps if my memory ever gets hazy).

   There are details that I do not think are appropriate to share with you, as the background involves other people whom I don't wish to uncover publicly.

   I can tell you, however, that I felt like I was walking on slippery ground. The environment was dangerous. My desire was to walk uprightly before the Lord. I didn't know what else to do, but to cry out to my Father God to keep my steps safe and secure.

   And that is the key. Instead of focusing on how wrong other people are walking, focus on your walk, though it may be riddled with stumbling blocks from said people. Draw the circle around yourself, stay in the light, walk circumspectly, examine yourself...however you slice it up, do that. God will honor a sincere, humble cry for help. He wants to keep us from slipping, from taking those wrong steps. God is ready and willing. Pour your heart out to Him.

All glory to Jesus Christ,

Adriel

"Blessed is the Man" - Story Behind the Song

   "How blessed is the man who has made the Lord his trust..."

Psalm 40:4a

   I honestly don't know when I wrote the words down for this song. All I know is that in September of 2006, with the same background as a few others songs that I've shared recently (hard times make for a busy songwriting season!), I found a piece of paper with most, if not all, of the words for this song written on it in my papers. I went to the piano and God had a tune at that time for the words. 

   Amazing...years and years those words sat. And then, years later when it was the right time, God gave me the tune. And it happened to be just the right time in my life for this song. God is just incredible! =)

   So, that is the background behind this song. I hope you enjoy it and that it blesses you!

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

"All Things New" - Story Behind the Song

   I can tell you some of the story behind this song, but not all of it. The fact is, the story is not yet finished. I hope one day that I will be able to share the rest of the story with you and that it has a happy ending.

   This song was written many years ago in response to an ugly situation that I thought had been resolved, but I could not have been more wrong. It is yet to be resolved, but I have faith that one day what I believe in faith will one day be reality.

   I have continued singing it and believing that it is true and one day will be true for the original situation it was intended for.

   In the meantime, I find the words comforting and encouraging as I pass through other trials and hardships. I hope that it blesses you too.

"To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness; that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that he might be glorified."

Isaiah 61:3

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

"You are the Lord" - Story Behind the Song

   Well, after some weighty stories and songs, I wanted to break things up a little with a worship song that focuses primarily on our Lord and Who He is as the Son and Savior, Father, Creator and King, and the Holy Spirit and Counselor.

   God as three distinct roles is quite a mystery to me. I will not even attempt to explain it with my incredibly small amount of understanding. And yes, while I am aware that the word "Trinity" is not in the Bible, the concept of God being three-in-one is not a foreign idea in the Bible. In addition, the word "Bible" is not in the Bible either...does that mean it's not real? Of course not.

   Now, I don't intend to write an essay on the Trinity, nor do I intend to argue the point. That isn't the purpose of this post. But I wanted to touch on the Trinity briefly for the sole purpose of the fact that this song is about God as the Son, the Father, and the Spirit. Each verse highlights different aspects of our Lord in these different roles.

I hope you're having a wonderful Sunday!

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

"In This Hour" - Story Behind the Song

   This song was written under the same circumstances of "Wait" back in 2006, which you can read about HERE.

   This time, though, I wanted to share some from the journal I kept during that time. Here is a journal entry from just a few days prior to the song being written down:

"'Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice! Let your forebearing spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.'

Philippians 4:4-7

   I read these verses today, and even though I know they're true, I have a hard time holding on to them for myself.

   I need your help, Lord. To rest in You and embrace Your peace. I am beyond weary. My hope has to be in You, Lord. I ask for mercy. Have mercy on me...I have nothing left. I am so exhausted! Be gracious to me, Lord. Please, lighten this load. Your Word says that You do not give us more than we can bear...I don't know how much more I can bear. I am spent. Please bring some relief. Even just a small amount. I want to be fruitful to You. Show me how to please You even in the middle of this."

   And with that, I leave you with this humble video of "In This Hour".

  
   I promise the next song I share will be happier. This is just part of the journey. =)

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

Bummer to Blessing - "Wait"

   Waiting on God isn't the easiest for us as human beings. We like to fix problems, get out of uncomfortable situations as quickly as possible and we would rather run away from trials than face them. Fortunately, we have a Father who knows what is best for us, His children.

   I got my journal out from when "Wait" was written in 2006. I was facing health challenges, there were some serious situations that friends were facing, our times of prayer with the brethren felt like battles, we had some heartbreaking things occur in our extended family, and it was the year we had left our beloved church family that Gary and I had spent our entire married life, up to that point, with, Gary having spent a few years prior to our marriage there as well. It was a tough time. It was difficult.

   I'm not going to try to make this blog all pretty and sweet and pretend like my life is perfectly wonderful when it's really not. I used to be really concerned with how I appeared to other people. I prided myself on looking like I had it all together, even when inside I was completely feeling insane. I could pull it off pretty well. I was good at fooling people, which is bad. Let's just say I was pretty much forced to let all that go for a period of time and I discovered that being real and authentic was a much better way of living than pretending like all was well when it really wasn't. I've always admired people who were real, because they were so relatable. Of course, I could never bring myself to be that real...people would find out I wasn't perfect!! <gasp>

   Needless to say, my posts are going to be raw and real, some more so than others, and the fact is that the other day I faced feelings of despair in regard to my health. As I struggled with my soul - to be thankful, content, submissive to God's will - the Lord put this song on my heart again. It was almost as if He said, "Remember that song?" Yeah, I remembered that song. I went looking for it in my folder of songs. I never did find it...had to print a new copy.

   Funny how long it's been since I played that song...a really long time. And although it was void of chords, I could still remember how to play it. So I made a video for whoever out there who needs some encouragement to wait on God. I sure do and it speaks to my heart! What seemed like a bummer became a blessing. Isn't that so neat how God can do that? He's so amazing!

   
   By the way, I've seen different people stating what their word of the year is. After taking a little step back and looking at what God has been putting on my heart so far, I think it's safe to say that my word for this year is "WAIT".

   I wish I could say that I am thrilled. I'm not. My flesh says, "Not more waiting!" But I know God will get my heart to where He wants it to be. My prayer is that I learn to wait...without wandering and without doubting. That my faith would be strengthened as I wait. Hey, the Bible is full of promises for those who wait! And that's an encouragement to me. So with that in mind, here is one of my favorite scripture promises regarding waiting on the Lord:

"But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk,
and not faint."

Isaiah 40:31

Waiting,

Adriel 

A Year of Answered Prayer - "Hiding Place"

   Last New Year's Eve, our family prayed that this year (2013) would be a year of answered prayer. I could not have foreseen how many prayers God would answer, some of which I am probably even still unaware of. I would like to highlight a few as I take a look back on 2013.

- God's gracious intervention in my desperate health situation. I'm not 100% yet, but God has been so faithful to get me to where I am today. I am very grateful to be alive. =)

- My grandparents' move to Arizona which seemed like an impossibility for a number of reasons. God is the God of the impossible! It happened so fast, we couldn't believe it!

- God leading us to a church family. The day I walked in, I felt like I was home.

- And my favorite: Our son surrendering his life to Christ and becoming a born-again believer. That was such a tremendous blessing! =)

   There are so many more, too many to name. We also saw prayers answered in families we were praying for.

   But I feel so humbled to even name the four above. So humbled that the God that created this vast universe cares about me, smaller than a speck of dust in the grand scheme of things.

   I am so humbled by God's love for me. It is truly an amazing thing!

   And God gave me so many songs in 2013! Songs I know that are for others as much as they are for me. Here is a rough version of one of them - "Hiding Place":



   I am looking forward to sharing more of these songs with you in the upcoming New Year - 2014!

   My prayer for each of you this coming New Year would be that God would take you to higher heights and greater depths, that you would know Him in a deeper way and love Him more and more as each day goes by. A blessed New Year to all of you!

 "But just as it is written, "THINGS WHICH EYE HAS NOT SEEN AND EAR HAS NOT HEARD, AND WHICH HAVE NOT ENTERED THE HEART OF MAN, ALL THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM." 

1Cr 2:9 NASB

A broken vessel saved by grace,

Adriel

Life is a Gift - "But for a Moment"

I wonder if any of us are really fully aware of how much of life - how much of what we are able to do, how much of what we have, how much of who we are - is a gift.

Before my health crisis, I know that I didn't even think of life being the gift that it is. I took it for granted.

I was capable, determined, strong, self-sufficient, composed, prepared, in control. Or so I thought. Such an illusion all of that was. Such a lie.

I do not claim to see life completely for the gift that it truly is, but I know I see it more clearly now than I ever did before.

Everything about life - every aspect - is a gift.

There is nothing like a jolt of reality to help you see the truth: Without God, we are nothing.

It was obvious to me I wasn't capable when I couldn't take care of my family. Determination didn't really amount to much when everything I tried and everything I did to get better made me get worse and worse. I clearly couldn't claim strength when I was too weak to hold my baby or even my Bible for that matter. Yes, even my Bible was too heavy for me to hold. Self-sufficiency was non-existent as I was dependent upon others for nearly everything. Composure was the last thing I was thinking of when, for weeks, I began not being able to sleep but an hour or two each night and I felt like the inside of my body was on fire. I was in utter agony and I thought I was going to lose my mind. When I was crying and begging God to keep me each little moment throughout the day and not let me go crazy, composure was all but gone. Prepared? No. I was completely unprepared for what I faced. It totally blind-sided me. And I realized as I felt my life slipping away and death's grip on me that I was not in control of anything. This was not how I had pictured life looking, but I couldn't do anything about it.

None of those things - ability, strength, self-sufficiency...you name it. None of it was true. Nothing.

I think sometimes God has to bring us to places as desperate as what I just described to make use face the fact that everything we are able to do, every good aspect about ourselves, everything that makes our life what it is, is a gift, pure and simple. Even sleep. I never thought of sleep being such a blessed gift until my body couldn't sleep. You don't know how thankful I am for sleep now!

I know that I still take many things for granted, but I'm learning to be grateful and thankful to the Lord for even things that may seem small to others. Even the strength to sit here and type this post is a gift. There was a time when even that was too taxing.

I remember a moment on one of those bleak days when I didn't have the strength to walk, sitting in a parking lot waiting for my husband to get something at a store, watching people walk in and out of that store and wondering to myself how many of them realized what a gift it was to have the strength to walk like a normal, healthy person.

When you've had things stripped away and God gives them back to you, they appear much more as they really are: as gifts. Nothing that I could conjure up by myself. Simply gifts from my Heavenly Father.

Last winter was a difficult time for me, but today I am thankful for it. I know that the trial I passed through and continue walking though was and is a gift.

Perhaps you are in a season of winter yourself, feeling destitute and dead, wondering if spring will ever come again. I know...I wondered that, too.

This time of the year is usually merry and jolly for many people. But I know there are others who are hurting more than they can express. I've posted a video below with a song to encourage you if you are one of those people.

Don't give up hope! God will never leave or forsake you.

In Christ's love,

Adriel

"Amazing" - Video

I did another quick video on Friday, which I call "Music Friday", because every week or so, my mom will let the kids hang out with her so I can work on music. That is what Music Friday is around here. =)

I wanted to share the video with you today. It's a worship song highlighting the gospel, what that means for us, and our response to the Lord in regards to what He has done for us, specifically being set free to live for Him.

I give a rather lengthy background and commentary on the song, so I won't repeat that here. You certainly don't need to hear it twice! And if you don't like listening to people talk, especially people like me that rattle on and on, the actual song is around 4:25. Yeah, I talk for almost 4-1/2 minutes! I'm not sure I'd do that in real life...I'm kind of shy, believe it or not...but the camera is not as intimidating as actual people, even though I know I'm talking to someone real. Anyway, I'm rambling again...here's the video. God bless you today! ~ Adriel

New Version of "I Come to You" is Live!

You can hear the new version of "I Come to You", which has been amazingly improved by Matthew Winfree of Hope66 on SoundCloud HERE. Matthew Winfree did a wonderful job in editing, mastering, producing, enhancing (what else am I forgetting?), this song - just really adding that sparkle to it. What a blessing! =)

I'm an amateur at best in the recording, arranging and audio aspect of this endeavor. Not even an amateur, really. So I really, really appreciated his help. I think that was incredibly awesome of him. =)

I hope you enjoy the new version and, most of all, that it encourages and blesses you. If you're interested in the story behind the song, you can find that HERE.

As always, all glory to Jesus,

Adriel

December

As this new month begins, the flashbacks of last year's December come at me like arrows poisoned with fear. God has been hacking away at that root of fear this whole past year and I must admit that it has been somewhat discouraging to find fear still lurking in my heart.

A verse came to mind yesterday as I contemplated the upcoming new month.

"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You." Psalm 56:3

It doesn't say "if", it says "when". It's going to happen. There are going to be moments of fear, moments of being afraid. But in those moments, what I decide to do makes all the difference. The writer goes on to say that when he is afraid, he will put his trust in God.

I watched a testimony of Richard Wurmbrand, the founder of Voice of the Martyrs, early last year (when I was right in the middle of physical turmoil). He described the few moments after he had been kidnapped and put into a car going who knows where (he ended up in prison for 14 years because of his faith in Christ). He related how as he sat there, he remembered that there are 366 passages of scripture that say to not be afraid or fear, one scripture for every day, even during a leap year. He made a decision at that moment to trust God.

That was and is so powerful and his response echoes what I want my heart's response to be as I face this month's anniversary of the hairy situation I faced late last year and early this year. Trusting God and knowing and believing that I am in good hands that will never let me go.



This song that God gave me is a song that helps me see the right perspective in relation to fear. I hear God speak to me through this.

So, to wrap things up, please keep me in your prayers. That I would walk in obedience to God's command to not be afraid, to not fear. That I would look with expectation on this month instead of dread, and have a grateful, thankful heart that is so full, there is no room for fear.

Trusting and learning to trust God,

Adriel

"Keep Me" Music Video

I did this music video for my friend, Karen. Some people are more visual, which she is, and this is her favorite song of mine. I thought I would share it with those of you who are visual as well. =)

I hope it encourages you today to stay covered by the Lord, abiding in Him throughout your day, whatever place you are at in your life at the present moment.

You may be looking at the sheer side of a mountain, wondering how you can possibly succeed in scaling it. Surrounded on all sides, the only way is up...but how?

Your boat may be capsized and waves may be crashing over and over you, and you can barely catch your breath. The sky is dark and cloudy, the sea angry and you wonder if you will survive this storm.

You may not be facing any big decisions or trials at this time. Your way is clear, your path level and easy. Your sea may be calm, the sky perfectly clear and sunny and everything is going absolutely wonderful for you.

Wherever you may be, the need for us to abide with Jesus is still true. May God keep you close to His heart.

To read the original post of and story behind this song, go HERE.

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

I Exist for You Project Complete!

Well, after going back through the old recordings and polishing them up a bit, the whole I Exist for You project is now complete on SoundCloud. Eight years ago, when I first recorded many of these songs, I don't think anything like SoundCloud existed. It has been a wonderful way to share these songs! =)

You can find the entire project HERE and listen to it or download it for free. =)

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

"So Good to Me" - Story Behind the Song

(Link to listen is at the bottom if you're in a hurry.)

Okay, you know when a song is not produced well when your almost-teen-daughter listens to it and laughs! LOL! =D

So, this song will be the most embarrassing one that I have share with you yet. But I'm making myself do this for a reason - this is where I started and I want to share that starting point with you.

I did go back into Cakewalk and adjust the levels a little bit, and the end result didn't make my daughter laugh as before, but I know it's still not all that great. Still, the words are true and they speak to my heart and soul.

This song was written back in 2005 in regard the same situation as "Whom Shall I Fear?" A scripture I wrote in my journal a few days before the writing of this song says:

"All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast." Proverbs 15:15

If we can learn to look at our circumstances and instead of considering ourselves oppressed, consider ourselves blessed and have a heart of praise and thankfulness, we will have a continual feast of joy which will not only give us strength to endure, but also to flourish.

When we go through hard things, there is a choice to bless or curse God. The enemy continually makes attempts during our trials to cause us to curse God, to doubt Him, to believe He is absent, to lose faith in Him. In the midst of our difficulties, it seems almost like a tug-of-war. Some days - or even hours - we pull strong on the way of praising and believing God; and other days we are pulled toward the doubting and despair.

Have you ever noticed, however, that once a trial is over with, once you have passed through something hard, the tug-of-war is over with? In whatever way those difficulties end - either with us standing on God's truth and blessing Him, or falling into despair and cursing Him - that is forever how the difficulty will be remembered. By us and by those powers in the spiritual realm.

A difficulty that was ended in blessing and praising God, the enemy won't dare touch. But a difficulty that was ended with us cursing and doubting God will be used by the enemy over and over again throughout our lives.

In whatever we are passing through, may we be found praising and blessing the Lord Who promised us that He would never leave us nor forsake us. This is a declaration in the spiritual realm of our God's faithfulness. He is worthy of our praise!

You can listen to "So Good to Me" and download it for free on SoundCloud HERE and view lyrics in the description of the song as well as HERE.

I hope you are having a blessed weekend. And in spite of the quality of this recording, I hope that it blesses you. =)

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

"Your Word is a Light" - Story Behind the Song

(Link to listen is at the bottom if you're in a hurry.)

Time for another song from the old bunch. This is the second to last. I cannot believe I am going to let you listen to this. The lyrics are good, but the production is not. <cringe>

Anyways, yeah. Let's get back to the story behind the song, shall we?

First of all, this song is dedicated to my parents. I don't know if they want their names publicly posted, so I'm going to play it safe and not do so. <a big wave to Dad and Mom>
My parents raised me in a loving, Godly home. Now, as a parent myself, I appreciate them so much more than when I was a kid. I took so much for granted or wasn't as grateful and thankful as I ought to have been. They made a lot of sacrifices for me, my sister, and my brother. Sacrifices that they didn't have to make, but that they chose to make to give us a stronger, better foundation than if they had chosen the easier, more popular, route. They weren't always popular with other parents, I know they were considered "strict" by some, and they didn't try to be my best friend. They trained me in God's way and I am so thankful that they did. They truly showed me love as I see now how much they laid their lives down for me and my siblings.

Do you know how hard it is to get weird looks from other parents or have to explain your family's opposing position on something that is normal and benign to others? It's not easy, but my parents were a great example to me and continue to be.

So this song is just a tribute to them. A simple declaration that I will continue walking in the truth and Way that they trained me to go. I will not depart from it. Dad and Mom, I really love you! =)


I received this song in 2006. I think it was one of the last songs I wrote that went into the original project (I Exist for You) that I had started a year or two prior to that. Over the past several months prior to receiving this song, the Lord had put in me a strong appreciation for His Word and a realization that the truths that are found in His Word were a foundation that was to be stood upon and not compromised.

At the time, we had just been introduced to Precept Ministries and we were watching the Jude video with those whom we were in fellowship with at the time. The teaching from this book (Jude) was very sobering to me, as I realized that the Word of God had been lost in the house of God. This question formed in my mind: If God's Word is non-negotiable truth, why is it compromised to accommodate the ungodly?

After viewing the video that evening, I came home and sang this song. It is very simple, yet true. It is good to be reminded of these things.

"Thy word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path." Psalm 119:105

You can listen to "Your Word is a Light" and download it for free on SoundCloud HERE. Lyrics are in the song description as well as HERE.

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel