"I Will Not Forget" - Story Behind the Song

I had my facts a little wrong when I made the video for this song, but they weren't so terribly off to justify a redo (and honestly, I didn't want to redo the whole thing). The truth is, we hadn't yet opened our restaurant. We were just a couple of months away from opening actually. But those months before the opening were very busy and stressful. I guess it felt like we were open already! Anyway, sorry about that! =/

I looked back in the journal from when I wrote this and there was a combination of health issues and life itself (opening a restaurant, along with all the other stuff) that was weighing on me. The journal entry below contains my prayer to the Lord for that day and what He spoke to my heart:

1-8-07 "...You have made me glad in spite of how the natural things are. I'm going to rejoice in You today for all You are in my life and all You've done. Nothing compares to You, Lord. Your goodness is better than anything in my life being good. I will continue to praise You and thank You for the difficulties. You have upheld me with Your strength and taught me how to rely on You. As You continue teaching me more, help me to be grateful for Your hand in my life. Give me a grateful heart.

'...You can enjoy this time and not just bear it with clenched teeth. Continue rejoicing in Me and giving Me glory. Find the blessings that I have given you and be thankful for them. Don't concentrate on what is not right as you think. Exercise to see the blessings. There are more than you can imagine. A heart of thanks will be filled with joy. A heart filled with joy will find strength beyond the natural. Continue praising Me and resting in Me. There are green pastures here, but you have to look carefully for them. There is refreshment and enjoyment for you here...Be diligent to have a grateful heart full of praise and thanksgiving.'"

No matter how old the message is, it still applies to me today. Focusing on what is good, how good God is, all that He has done - this is as much of an exercise today as it was then. Regardless of what I'm facing and how hard it may be, I must not forget the Lord's abundant mercies toward me. With that in view, I have joy and strength to keep going.

One of my favorite lines in this song is in the bridge: "When You allow the battles to show me I am safe."

Here's the vid!

Have a blessed day, remembering all the tender mercies and faithfulness of the Lord today! =)

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

The Miracle of Healing, Pt. 4

   Today, I'm wrapping up my series on The Miracle of Healing. I'm relieved to be at the end of this series and I'm excited to move on to sharing more of my journey with you. You can find the previous parts of this series by following these links: Part 1, Part 2, & Part 3.

   Here I am, writing about healing, but before I saw any improvement physically, I got worse. Yes, worse! What in the world does getting worse have to do with healing, you might ask. As I've mentioned before, I truly believe God is more concerned with our spiritual health than our physical health.

   As my health continued to decline despite countless prayers, medical intervention sought and lifestyle changes I made, thinking they would somehow better my situation, I realized I was losing control rapidly. The situation was just running away from me. I thought I could somehow control what was happening. Who was I kidding?! I was never in control to begin with!

   I could hardly do anything! The harder I pushed to get better, the worse I got. The more I tried controlling my situation, the weaker I became and soon, my health was so deteriorated, I could barely walk.

   Oh, how my flesh fought, resisted, and resented this humble position of needing others to do things for me that had been so easy before. Needing medication to sleep, needing my husband to wheel me into doctor appointments because I was too weak to walk, needing my mom's help in numerous ways, needing to depend on my older kids for things I could have easily done before. Needing, needing, needing!

   I love to do! I thrive on doing things for others, for God. But God took my ability to do away and as I spent so many long days with Him, over and over He would say, "I love you, not because of what you can do. I just love you." I couldn't understand that. It didn't make sense to this self-sufficient, self-reliant, proud, able-bodied, independent, performance-driven, stubborn-bent person - Me. God just loved me, even though I couldn't do anything for Him? I couldn't be the wife, mom, friend, or Christian that I thought would make God happy. I no longer possessed the ability to be the ideal of all of those roles, or at least the ideal I had in my mind.  All I could do was just sit or lie there and cry at times, and He actually loved me when that was all I could do? That completely blew my view of God out of the water and changed the way I had been looking at Him and at myself. My errored view of myself and God had to be fixed and God used my sickness to remedy those areas.

   The time I spent with the Lord when He was all I had to hold on to in my darkest hours, they are the sweetest that I have ever known. In those moments on death's doorstep, I was so close to God. As I look back at that time now, while I was getting what I thought was a taste of hell, I also can't deny the incomparable intimacy I experienced with the Lord that was as if I were in heaven. I find myself at a loss for words to describe those months. I suppose my best description would be surreal. In the middle of the agony and severe distress, there was God. His presence was so close, so near, and His love covered me and melted my heart which was hurt from lies I'd believed about God and myself.

   While I still pray for physical healing, this isn't my main objective in prayer. I am learning to look past what I want physically and submit to what God is desiring in my life spiritually. I am not to be ordering God around and demanding things from Him, but rather, my life and heart should be centered and ordered around God's will and desires. My desires and requests should be in line with His desires. Jesus is my example as I continue on my journey. He suffered more than I ever will, yet He was God.

   Instead of asking myself, "Why am I suffering?", I think it is important to ask, "Why did God suffer?" When this question is asked, it puts everything in a different perspective and helps me get my eyes off of myself and onto the Lord. Keeping my gaze heavenward and setting my mind to think eternally changes the way everything looks.

   In spite of the conflict that occurs between my flesh and spirit, there really is a peace that surpasses understanding when I am fully submitted to God's will for my life. Sometimes there are just hours in a day when I am experiencing that perfect peace and the other hours are spent battling my will to submit to God's. Some days are easier than others to be content and thankful. Other days it is a fight with my flesh to just say, "thank You, God...Your will be done."

   I am in no way saying this is easy, friends. This trial is the hardest thing I've ever faced. It has tried me beyond what I thought myself capable of enduring and I know that is only because God has been carrying me through this, covering me, sheltering me, protecting me and strengthening me. To think that God loves me so much that He would walk through this AGAIN with me. Yes, AGAIN. I say that because He already endured all this. But He is by my side, journeying with me on this path of suffering that He Himself took alone. I'm not alone. And even more than that, when I think about how much I'm hurting at times, I just remember that my Heavenly Father has me covered and He is the One receiving the heaviest of the blows. The little stones that pass through to me and hurt are nothing compared to what God is enduring for me while we walk through this together. God has my best in mind and I resolutely hold to that as I continue walking this path of suffering. Along the way, there is healing. It just doesn't always look the way we pictured it. But deep down in my heart, I know the healing God has done and continues to do in my life is better than any healing I had imagined or hoped for. Not my will, but God's be done.

   I used pictures from a visit to a butterfly exhibit throughout this post, because I feel at times that I'm stuck in a dark place that I'd like to get out of and I don't see the point of being here at times. But just like a butterfly in a cocoon, there is a transforming work being done in my heart in this dark place that takes time and I believe it is beautiful. One day, I know I will see the beauty that will be revealed that I believe in faith is being developed.

Finding healing in more ways than one,

Adriel 

Story Behind the Song: "Why Are We Silent?"

(Music video is at the bottom if you're in a hurry!) 

  A couple posts ago, I talked about the three big prayers that God has answered for me through my health crisis. One of them was restoring my passion for the lost.

   "Why Are We Silent?" is a song that was written the evening I came home from going out and sharing the gospel. I was so filled and excited! It was such an incredible experience! I remember just sitting down at my keyboard and this song pouring out. It was one of those quickies.

   But I wasn't always pro-evangelism, at least not when it came to me evangelizing. I was all for those called and gifted in evangelism. I even thought I was going to be a missionary when I was a little kid. But being a missionary to me meant going to another country on a missions trip, not talking to people in my own country about the gospel.

   And that was the other thing. I really didn't have a good, accurate understanding of what the gospel of salvation really was until after I was married.

   God used my husband, who is a naturally gifted evangelist, and Way of the Master ministry (which, I'm sure, many of you are familiar with), to not only teach me the true gospel, but to also challenge my resistance to sharing it. At first, I found Way of the Master's approach appalling and offensive. I could not imagine talking to a perfect stranger about sin instead of God's love and forgiveness. But as time went on, I began to understand that the sacrifice of Christ on the cross and the work of salvation wouldn't make sense to a person who wasn't convicted of their sin.

   So I began to share my faith discreetly. Being a reserved, shy person, I wasn't comfortable jumping right into witnessing one-on-one. I'm not saying my approach is the best or ideal, but this is what worked for me. Think getting in a pool gradually, instead of just jumping in...that was me. I began by just leaving tracts here and there while I was out. After washing my hands in a public restroom, I would look around and make sure no one was around and then I would quickly deposit a tract on the sink counter and flee depart from the restroom. Or leave a tract on a table right before running out of leaving a restaurant. I mean, I was sure to NEVER see that server again, right?!

   Right, so I had some serious fear and confidence issues. Not to worry! I then started being able to actually hand a tract to people in person. I know! Wow! =P The girl in the parking lot, the cashier at the store after I had paid...you get the picture. And I slowly began to say intelligible words along with the tract giving instead of just stammering and mumbling something dumb and acting very unnatural. At first it was, "Here you go", or "This is for you". I got bolder and would say, "It's a good person test, to see if you're really a good person", or "Here's a gospel tract. This message is really important". Wow! I was starting to act normal about it! haha! =)

Image used under Creative Commons license,
photo by Chris Yarzab on Flickr

   Then I finally got all the way in! I went out with some other ladies and I think we just ended up at a park talking to some people there, but it got my feet wet and was an awesome experience. After that, a sweet sister and I paired up and went out together a couple other times, while her husband went with mine. We had some really sweet conversations with people, some awkward moments with one or two others, but overall, our times were so fulfilling, so incredible. Seriously, if you've never witnessed to someone, you don't know what you're missing out on! It's a thrill and is exhilarating! =)

Image used under Creative Commons license,
photo by Chris Yarzab on Flickr

   We went out a few more times with other people and there was one time with my mom that puts a lump in my throat when I remember it. There was a group of teenagers at an outside shopping mall and we started talking to them and there was a teenage boy and girl in particular that were really listening. Their friends kind of hung back and weren't interested. But these two young people listened intently. The girl had been in some trouble and her friend had recently died. She was crying as we shared the gospel with them. The young man had never heard anything about God, Jesus, or the Bible. In fact, I don't think he had even seen a Bible before. My mom gave him the one she was carrying. I remember we walked by them again a little while later after we had went on our way that evening and the guy was holding the Bible in a sort of awe and showing his friends. I wonder to this day whatever came of those two young people. Did either of them receive Christ? I guess I'll never know...unless in heaven, I recognize their faces. I truly hope that I do. =)

   One thing I would like to point out is that Way of the Master is a great starting point and they give you great tools to get you started in sharing your faith and encouraging you to continue. But this can quickly and easily become a method that you use mechanically instead of relying on the Holy Spirit to guide you in life-giving conversations with people. Just my two cents.

   And I would say if you are a woman, don't bring up the commandment about adultery and what Jesus says about lusting in your heart (unless the Lord prompts you to). As a woman, you are already vulnerable, but especially when you are speaking to men, this question can be easily turned into something inappropriate. I've experienced this firsthand and it was very unpleasant. There are enough other commandments to help people see the condition of their heart and where they're at with God.

   Anyway, this song is a challenge to us as believers. Why are we silent when lost souls are crying out? I don't know if you ever take time to observe people, but I do sometimes, many times inadvertently. I might be waiting in line at a store and I notice someone and you can read some of their story on their face and you can literally hear their soul crying out. Why are we silent when we've been called to GO and share the gospel to all men? This question: Why are we silent? This is the question I want to encourage all of us to not just think about, but to ask ourselves and do something about. Stop being silent! You have a message to share!

   (By the way, THIS TRACT is my personal favorite because it has the full gospel in it and that is really important to me, because if I'm not able to have that one-on-one conversation with someone, I want them to at least have something they can read that will walk them through the main points in a clear and concise manner.)

"Go ye therefore, and teach all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Ghost: teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, lo, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen."

Matthew 28:19-20

“If sinners will be damned, at least let them leap to Hell over our bodies. And if they will perish, let them perish with our arms about their knees, imploring them to stay. If Hell must be filled, at least let it be filled in the teeth of our exertions, and let not one go there unwarned and unprayed for.”

- Charles Spurgeon

   Here's today's video! I always love to hear what you think about this stuff, so fire away. I know I've shared some heavier stuff lately. It's just what's been on my heart. God bless each of you as your pursue God and His purpose for your lives.

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

The Miracle of Healing Pt. 2

   If you missed The Miracle of Healing Pt. 1, take a few minutes to read it. It's somewhat of a backdrop to this post and will help you understand some things about me and may help you not jump to conclusions about me based on this post alone.

   I have put off writing this post for a number of reasons. Namely that I know writing this will be emotionally difficult, merely because of the transparency with which I am sharing, in addition to how very raw I am. I also think that what I write will be scrutinized and possibly criticized - I'm covering some topics that are a bit touchy. And finally, that it will mark the beginning of sharing a journey with you that I've known I needed to embark on, but have held back, not knowing if I'm strong enough to face it.

   I've only shared bits and pieces of the trial I've faced for almost two years with you. And I'm not even sure that I'm ready to go back and walk through the painful memories that are still so fresh and sometimes haunting, but I know I'm supposed to share my story in regard to the last couple of years. This post is a prelude to the journey I plan on taking in the near future. I hope you will join me.

   In The Miracle of Healing Pt. 1, I told you the story about the miraculous healing of our son. In these next parts, I'd like to talk about a different kind of healing that God has been doing in my life.

   I will be giving a lot more background and details in the proceeding posts, but I want to begin by telling you that I have been unwell for quite awhile, markedly following our second child's birth. For whatever reason, my body doesn't respond well to pregnancies and deliveries and with each one, my health has gotten worse and worse. The past two years have been the hardest and worst, following my most recent pregnancy and delivery in March 2012. 

I've prayed for physical healing, I've been anointed with oil twice and prayed over by elders of the church, and I've continued praying and believing that God can heal me. I pray every day for physical healing. I haven't been told by God to stop, so I continue to pray. I am completely confident that God can heal physical infirmities if He so wills. There is not a doubt in my mind about that.

   There are some who think a believer should never be sick, that God's will is for everyone to be physically healed and well, and that whatever you ask from God, you're going to get. I've been challenged to present verses that tell when Jesus did not heal or what diseases He did not conquer on the cross. I honestly am not up to a debate on this topic and to be completely truthful, the challenge from a certain individual left me feeling like the wind had been knocked out of me (because along with their challenge came some very strong words that were painful to hear when you've been sick for so long). If you share these views, I hope and pray that you are never faced with physical suffering that leaves you wondering what you did wrong, how you failed, or in what way your faith was too small. Before you judge someone who is sick, please try to have some compassion and consideration toward the individual who is suffering. You may be wrong.

   And briefly, I will say that while there are many miracles recorded in the Bible, there were also saints who were sick. Timothy was encouraged by Paul to drink a little wine for his frequent ailments (1 Timothy 5:23) and Paul had to leave behind a brother named Trophimus, who must have been terribly sick if he wasn't able to travel (2 Timothy 4:20). And to answer the question - which diseases are not subject to Christ, I say none. They are all subject to Him, but we live in a fallen world and sickness is part of the deal. One day, we are promised an eternal home where God will wipe every tear from our eyes and there will be no more death, sorrow, crying or pain (Revelation 21:4). If we weren't going to have any more pain and suffering in this life on earth, why would God promise us this for our life after we go to be with Him? So that's where I'm coming from. I believe God still heals physically and I've seen Him do it (just read part one of this series). But I also believe there are other ways He heals that are not so obvious to us.

   I want to focus on other ways God has been

healing me during these last nearly two years. This healing is not physical, but is, I believe, even more important. God has been healing my heart. He has been healing me spiritually. He has been healing me emotionally. He has been healing me mentally. 

   If God were to have answered my prayer for healing back when my health collapsed, maybe I would be physically healthy, but I would not be as spiritually healthy as I am today. I was so busy with life, I didn't have time to consider what I was thinking about my husband, why I was responding to certain situations in the manner I was, or how I was erroneously viewing God. I remember feeling like a chicken running around with its head cut off, barely keeping my head above water...yeah, the same one that was cut off! haha! No, but really, I was just barely surviving.

   And God cared about that. He cared about me. And God decided to intervene, even though He knew it was going to hurt me terribly and even make me angry at Him for a season. God saw the eternal and spiritual benefits of allowing me to go through a season of physical suffering. God cares much more about our spiritual health than our physical health and I am so thankful that He does.

 "Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 4:2-4

   It's interesting to look back at the situation now and see all the prayers God has answered through this hardship. Prayers that I prayed months, even years before, God answered. There were three in particular that I'd like to share with you... (to be continued next time!)


   God is my Song in the night! This song has been an encouragement to me and continues to be. I hope it encourages you as well. =)

The Lord is my Healer,

Adriel

Click here for Part 3!

"New in You" - Salvation's Work

   This song highlights what I was before God saved me. I wrote this song down a long time ago. I can't even remember when or why! But the point is that I am new in Jesus and for any true believer in Christ, this song is true as well.

   I love the analogies that go with this song. Think about them. Think about what you were before Christ. Think about where you were headed. Think about the reality of you, as an individual, before becoming a believer.

   And then think about what God did in your life. The profound changes that occurred and still affect you today in how you live, how you talk, how you react, etc. It's amazing, isn't it?

   And this song is just a reminder of that glorious work God has done in my life and in yours if you're a believer as well. Blessings to you, my friends! =)

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

"In the Middle" - Story Behind the Song

(Song is at the bottom if you're in a hurry!)

Image credit: "In the Middle II" by flickr user Hartwig HKD
CC license: https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-nd/2.0/

This song...I don't remember what was going on when I wrote it. The only clues I have are from my journal and that year, we had opened up a restaurant. I had concerns over that. I see that I wrote about being in a wilderness of sorts and that I was asking God to help me not look at my circumstances. But perhaps the most telling is this entry from just four days after writing this song:

8/9/07   "I had to trim my tomato plants a couple of days ago. The plants were growing so wild and the weight from the tops of them was bringing the whole plant down upon itself. In trimming it, I had to cut off parts of the plant that had very small, very dwarfed tomatoes. These tomatoes would have never reached their full potential. Instead, they would have matured into fruit that could not have been used and in addition to this, the energy and resources that went into them would have taken away from the rest of the plant.
   Last night, I was contemplating this, as sometimes it is the same in my own life. God does pruning and I look at the pile of trimmings and there is dwarfed fruit in the pile. I complain to the Lord, pointing out that there is 'fruit after its own kind' in the pile. It's true that since it is fruit that should be there, it is therefore arguably 'good' fruit. But what if this supposedly 'good' fruit would never reach its full potential, that it would never be used; that instead, its only purpose was to suck life out of the plant and the rest of the good fruit. It shouldn't remain.
   I don't know if I'm fully grasping the entire message in this picture, but I do know it has helped me see more about God's pruning. I tend to lose heart during that process. In actuality, the Lord is really narrowing my focus to the fruit that will completely mature and be useful. God is much more aware of the fact that chaff will be burned up; the excess that cannot be used will be destroyed.
   Thank God that He takes the time now to trim us! If He waited until the end of this age, there would be a great deal of 'waste'. He certainly has our best interest in mind when He prunes us!"

   And that, my friends, is the story behind this song, "In the Middle". I was in the middle of struggling with God over my situation at the time, but it doesn't take long to realize that it's simply useless to struggle with God. What good does it do? And why do we think we know better?

   As I'm in the middle of another situation that is difficult, I find encouragement in these past experiences and my heart takes comfort in being reminded that God is my Father, He loves me, He wants to prosper me and do me good. I'm learning to surrender. I'm learning to say "thank you" with each snip of the pruning shears, even though it's painful. I'm learning to love those dear hands that are molding me - a lifeless, dull, ugly lump of clay - into a vessel that the Potter can use in His house, though they may work me in a way that doesn't make sense or is uncomfortable. Yes, I am learning. Praise God for being such a patient teacher.

   I leave you with the verse that was written along with the journal entry I shared with you.

"Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

James 1:2-4

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

"Blessed is the Man" - Story Behind the Song

   "How blessed is the man who has made the Lord his trust..."

Psalm 40:4a

   I honestly don't know when I wrote the words down for this song. All I know is that in September of 2006, with the same background as a few others songs that I've shared recently (hard times make for a busy songwriting season!), I found a piece of paper with most, if not all, of the words for this song written on it in my papers. I went to the piano and God had a tune at that time for the words. 

   Amazing...years and years those words sat. And then, years later when it was the right time, God gave me the tune. And it happened to be just the right time in my life for this song. God is just incredible! =)

   So, that is the background behind this song. I hope you enjoy it and that it blesses you!

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

"In This Hour" - Story Behind the Song

   This song was written under the same circumstances of "Wait" back in 2006, which you can read about HERE.

   This time, though, I wanted to share some from the journal I kept during that time. Here is a journal entry from just a few days prior to the song being written down:

"'Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say rejoice! Let your forebearing spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.'

Philippians 4:4-7

   I read these verses today, and even though I know they're true, I have a hard time holding on to them for myself.

   I need your help, Lord. To rest in You and embrace Your peace. I am beyond weary. My hope has to be in You, Lord. I ask for mercy. Have mercy on me...I have nothing left. I am so exhausted! Be gracious to me, Lord. Please, lighten this load. Your Word says that You do not give us more than we can bear...I don't know how much more I can bear. I am spent. Please bring some relief. Even just a small amount. I want to be fruitful to You. Show me how to please You even in the middle of this."

   And with that, I leave you with this humble video of "In This Hour".

  
   I promise the next song I share will be happier. This is just part of the journey. =)

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

A Year of Answered Prayer - "Hiding Place"

   Last New Year's Eve, our family prayed that this year (2013) would be a year of answered prayer. I could not have foreseen how many prayers God would answer, some of which I am probably even still unaware of. I would like to highlight a few as I take a look back on 2013.

- God's gracious intervention in my desperate health situation. I'm not 100% yet, but God has been so faithful to get me to where I am today. I am very grateful to be alive. =)

- My grandparents' move to Arizona which seemed like an impossibility for a number of reasons. God is the God of the impossible! It happened so fast, we couldn't believe it!

- God leading us to a church family. The day I walked in, I felt like I was home.

- And my favorite: Our son surrendering his life to Christ and becoming a born-again believer. That was such a tremendous blessing! =)

   There are so many more, too many to name. We also saw prayers answered in families we were praying for.

   But I feel so humbled to even name the four above. So humbled that the God that created this vast universe cares about me, smaller than a speck of dust in the grand scheme of things.

   I am so humbled by God's love for me. It is truly an amazing thing!

   And God gave me so many songs in 2013! Songs I know that are for others as much as they are for me. Here is a rough version of one of them - "Hiding Place":



   I am looking forward to sharing more of these songs with you in the upcoming New Year - 2014!

   My prayer for each of you this coming New Year would be that God would take you to higher heights and greater depths, that you would know Him in a deeper way and love Him more and more as each day goes by. A blessed New Year to all of you!

 "But just as it is written, "THINGS WHICH EYE HAS NOT SEEN AND EAR HAS NOT HEARD, AND WHICH HAVE NOT ENTERED THE HEART OF MAN, ALL THAT GOD HAS PREPARED FOR THOSE WHO LOVE HIM." 

1Cr 2:9 NASB

A broken vessel saved by grace,

Adriel

Waiting...

   I just ran across this quote today by A.B. Simpson and was so inspired by it. It spoke volumes to my heart, so much so that I dove into my pictures and found this one I took of the ocean on a trip to San Diego years and years ago. It was perfect for the quote!

   Just last week, I was feeling "stuck". But the Lord spoke to my heart and told me that I wasn't stuck, but that I was right where He wanted me to be. There is nothing like God's voice that can still my heart. What a gift to hear His words that quiet my soul and help me rest in His perfect will!

"Wait for the LORD; Be strong and let your heart take courage; Yes, wait for the LORD."

Ps. 27:14

   Maybe you're feeling "stuck" too. Just know that in your waiting, God is working! And speaking of waiting, I highly recommend the book titled Waiting on God by Andrew Murray. It's awesome! Blessings to you today!

Learning how to wait,

Adriel

Life is a Gift - "But for a Moment"

I wonder if any of us are really fully aware of how much of life - how much of what we are able to do, how much of what we have, how much of who we are - is a gift.

Before my health crisis, I know that I didn't even think of life being the gift that it is. I took it for granted.

I was capable, determined, strong, self-sufficient, composed, prepared, in control. Or so I thought. Such an illusion all of that was. Such a lie.

I do not claim to see life completely for the gift that it truly is, but I know I see it more clearly now than I ever did before.

Everything about life - every aspect - is a gift.

There is nothing like a jolt of reality to help you see the truth: Without God, we are nothing.

It was obvious to me I wasn't capable when I couldn't take care of my family. Determination didn't really amount to much when everything I tried and everything I did to get better made me get worse and worse. I clearly couldn't claim strength when I was too weak to hold my baby or even my Bible for that matter. Yes, even my Bible was too heavy for me to hold. Self-sufficiency was non-existent as I was dependent upon others for nearly everything. Composure was the last thing I was thinking of when, for weeks, I began not being able to sleep but an hour or two each night and I felt like the inside of my body was on fire. I was in utter agony and I thought I was going to lose my mind. When I was crying and begging God to keep me each little moment throughout the day and not let me go crazy, composure was all but gone. Prepared? No. I was completely unprepared for what I faced. It totally blind-sided me. And I realized as I felt my life slipping away and death's grip on me that I was not in control of anything. This was not how I had pictured life looking, but I couldn't do anything about it.

None of those things - ability, strength, self-sufficiency...you name it. None of it was true. Nothing.

I think sometimes God has to bring us to places as desperate as what I just described to make use face the fact that everything we are able to do, every good aspect about ourselves, everything that makes our life what it is, is a gift, pure and simple. Even sleep. I never thought of sleep being such a blessed gift until my body couldn't sleep. You don't know how thankful I am for sleep now!

I know that I still take many things for granted, but I'm learning to be grateful and thankful to the Lord for even things that may seem small to others. Even the strength to sit here and type this post is a gift. There was a time when even that was too taxing.

I remember a moment on one of those bleak days when I didn't have the strength to walk, sitting in a parking lot waiting for my husband to get something at a store, watching people walk in and out of that store and wondering to myself how many of them realized what a gift it was to have the strength to walk like a normal, healthy person.

When you've had things stripped away and God gives them back to you, they appear much more as they really are: as gifts. Nothing that I could conjure up by myself. Simply gifts from my Heavenly Father.

Last winter was a difficult time for me, but today I am thankful for it. I know that the trial I passed through and continue walking though was and is a gift.

Perhaps you are in a season of winter yourself, feeling destitute and dead, wondering if spring will ever come again. I know...I wondered that, too.

This time of the year is usually merry and jolly for many people. But I know there are others who are hurting more than they can express. I've posted a video below with a song to encourage you if you are one of those people.

Don't give up hope! God will never leave or forsake you.

In Christ's love,

Adriel

"Amazing" - Video

I did another quick video on Friday, which I call "Music Friday", because every week or so, my mom will let the kids hang out with her so I can work on music. That is what Music Friday is around here. =)

I wanted to share the video with you today. It's a worship song highlighting the gospel, what that means for us, and our response to the Lord in regards to what He has done for us, specifically being set free to live for Him.

I give a rather lengthy background and commentary on the song, so I won't repeat that here. You certainly don't need to hear it twice! And if you don't like listening to people talk, especially people like me that rattle on and on, the actual song is around 4:25. Yeah, I talk for almost 4-1/2 minutes! I'm not sure I'd do that in real life...I'm kind of shy, believe it or not...but the camera is not as intimidating as actual people, even though I know I'm talking to someone real. Anyway, I'm rambling again...here's the video. God bless you today! ~ Adriel

December

As this new month begins, the flashbacks of last year's December come at me like arrows poisoned with fear. God has been hacking away at that root of fear this whole past year and I must admit that it has been somewhat discouraging to find fear still lurking in my heart.

A verse came to mind yesterday as I contemplated the upcoming new month.

"When I am afraid, I will put my trust in You." Psalm 56:3

It doesn't say "if", it says "when". It's going to happen. There are going to be moments of fear, moments of being afraid. But in those moments, what I decide to do makes all the difference. The writer goes on to say that when he is afraid, he will put his trust in God.

I watched a testimony of Richard Wurmbrand, the founder of Voice of the Martyrs, early last year (when I was right in the middle of physical turmoil). He described the few moments after he had been kidnapped and put into a car going who knows where (he ended up in prison for 14 years because of his faith in Christ). He related how as he sat there, he remembered that there are 366 passages of scripture that say to not be afraid or fear, one scripture for every day, even during a leap year. He made a decision at that moment to trust God.

That was and is so powerful and his response echoes what I want my heart's response to be as I face this month's anniversary of the hairy situation I faced late last year and early this year. Trusting God and knowing and believing that I am in good hands that will never let me go.



This song that God gave me is a song that helps me see the right perspective in relation to fear. I hear God speak to me through this.

So, to wrap things up, please keep me in your prayers. That I would walk in obedience to God's command to not be afraid, to not fear. That I would look with expectation on this month instead of dread, and have a grateful, thankful heart that is so full, there is no room for fear.

Trusting and learning to trust God,

Adriel

"So Good to Me" - Story Behind the Song

(Link to listen is at the bottom if you're in a hurry.)

Okay, you know when a song is not produced well when your almost-teen-daughter listens to it and laughs! LOL! =D

So, this song will be the most embarrassing one that I have share with you yet. But I'm making myself do this for a reason - this is where I started and I want to share that starting point with you.

I did go back into Cakewalk and adjust the levels a little bit, and the end result didn't make my daughter laugh as before, but I know it's still not all that great. Still, the words are true and they speak to my heart and soul.

This song was written back in 2005 in regard the same situation as "Whom Shall I Fear?" A scripture I wrote in my journal a few days before the writing of this song says:

"All the days of the oppressed are wretched, but the cheerful heart has a continual feast." Proverbs 15:15

If we can learn to look at our circumstances and instead of considering ourselves oppressed, consider ourselves blessed and have a heart of praise and thankfulness, we will have a continual feast of joy which will not only give us strength to endure, but also to flourish.

When we go through hard things, there is a choice to bless or curse God. The enemy continually makes attempts during our trials to cause us to curse God, to doubt Him, to believe He is absent, to lose faith in Him. In the midst of our difficulties, it seems almost like a tug-of-war. Some days - or even hours - we pull strong on the way of praising and believing God; and other days we are pulled toward the doubting and despair.

Have you ever noticed, however, that once a trial is over with, once you have passed through something hard, the tug-of-war is over with? In whatever way those difficulties end - either with us standing on God's truth and blessing Him, or falling into despair and cursing Him - that is forever how the difficulty will be remembered. By us and by those powers in the spiritual realm.

A difficulty that was ended in blessing and praising God, the enemy won't dare touch. But a difficulty that was ended with us cursing and doubting God will be used by the enemy over and over again throughout our lives.

In whatever we are passing through, may we be found praising and blessing the Lord Who promised us that He would never leave us nor forsake us. This is a declaration in the spiritual realm of our God's faithfulness. He is worthy of our praise!

You can listen to "So Good to Me" and download it for free on SoundCloud HERE and view lyrics in the description of the song as well as HERE.

I hope you are having a blessed weekend. And in spite of the quality of this recording, I hope that it blesses you. =)

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

"Your Word is a Light" - Story Behind the Song

(Link to listen is at the bottom if you're in a hurry.)

Time for another song from the old bunch. This is the second to last. I cannot believe I am going to let you listen to this. The lyrics are good, but the production is not. <cringe>

Anyways, yeah. Let's get back to the story behind the song, shall we?

First of all, this song is dedicated to my parents. I don't know if they want their names publicly posted, so I'm going to play it safe and not do so. <a big wave to Dad and Mom>
My parents raised me in a loving, Godly home. Now, as a parent myself, I appreciate them so much more than when I was a kid. I took so much for granted or wasn't as grateful and thankful as I ought to have been. They made a lot of sacrifices for me, my sister, and my brother. Sacrifices that they didn't have to make, but that they chose to make to give us a stronger, better foundation than if they had chosen the easier, more popular, route. They weren't always popular with other parents, I know they were considered "strict" by some, and they didn't try to be my best friend. They trained me in God's way and I am so thankful that they did. They truly showed me love as I see now how much they laid their lives down for me and my siblings.

Do you know how hard it is to get weird looks from other parents or have to explain your family's opposing position on something that is normal and benign to others? It's not easy, but my parents were a great example to me and continue to be.

So this song is just a tribute to them. A simple declaration that I will continue walking in the truth and Way that they trained me to go. I will not depart from it. Dad and Mom, I really love you! =)


I received this song in 2006. I think it was one of the last songs I wrote that went into the original project (I Exist for You) that I had started a year or two prior to that. Over the past several months prior to receiving this song, the Lord had put in me a strong appreciation for His Word and a realization that the truths that are found in His Word were a foundation that was to be stood upon and not compromised.

At the time, we had just been introduced to Precept Ministries and we were watching the Jude video with those whom we were in fellowship with at the time. The teaching from this book (Jude) was very sobering to me, as I realized that the Word of God had been lost in the house of God. This question formed in my mind: If God's Word is non-negotiable truth, why is it compromised to accommodate the ungodly?

After viewing the video that evening, I came home and sang this song. It is very simple, yet true. It is good to be reminded of these things.

"Thy word is a lamp to my feet, and a light to my path." Psalm 119:105

You can listen to "Your Word is a Light" and download it for free on SoundCloud HERE. Lyrics are in the song description as well as HERE.

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

New Melodies to Hymns Continued

  I enjoyed all the feedback I got regarding new melodies to hymns. It was enlightening and encouraging to hear what each of you had to say. So I made a video of a hymn with a new tune! (I am completely new to videoing and that whole process, and I am really surprised at the bad quality video from our relatively new video recorder, but...)

  The other day I decided to just browse through an unknown hymn site (or else I would tell you where I was), and a title caught my attention because I had never heard it or of it for that matter.

  I really appreciated the lyrics, but there was no info regarding the hymn as to the year it was written, etc. I decided to do some investigating, because I certainly did not want to get into any hot water by using a hymn that wasn't "public domain".

  The story behind this hymn was very touching and I've included a link HERE where you can read it yourself if you would like, but I do cover that briefly in the video if you want a condensed version. =)

Here's the video. Sorry it's not the greatest. I'll be looking into ways to improve for (possible) future recordings. ;-)

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

Let Me

It's funny to revisit a song recorded eight years ago, written before even longer than that. The message God gave me through it is still relevant to me today. But those words seem more precious now - more of a reality.

There are seasons in our lives when we are physically weak, either from a burden that is weighing heavily upon us or just because of natural circumstances. My experience when I received this song, "Let Me", in 2006 was a combination of both. I was sitting at the piano and the Lord spoke this song to me and I began singing it. The words were so comforting to me, releasing me from the burden that I was carrying, allowing me to rest in the Lord regarding my health.

"Come to Me, all who are weary and 

heavy-laden, and I will give you rest. 

Take my yoke upon you and learn from Me, 

for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. 

For My yoke is easy and My burden is light."

Matthew 11:28-30

  God's invitation is, "Let Me hold you. Let Me take this weight from your heart." He's always willing. But I'm not always willing to let Him. I'm not sure why I fight God, pushing Him away when I am in desperate need of Him. I have become keenly aware in the last 12 months that I am naturally a self-sufficient, self-reliant, self-righteous, proud, strong-willed, determined, stubborn person, trying to do everything myself. (I sound really nice, right?) I suppose that it is easier for some of us to do that very thing - let God. But for someone like me, "surrender" translates into "failure" in my mind and soul. "Letting God" means that I'm too weak to do it myself.

  Fast-forward to several years later and God is still extending that invitation to me. "Letting Him" is really what God has been teaching me through the last year with my health collapsing and being pretty much bedridden for a month or two. God doesn't love me because of what I can do. He just loves me because I am His. That was a really hard concept for me to accept. I don't know why. It's all over the Bible. It's not like it was new or anything. But I knew it in my head, but not in my heart.

  That time of being utterly dependent upon other people for just about everything was excruciating for me. I despised it at first. But God taught me so much through this trial and continues to teach me more, and I am so grateful that He cared enough about my spiritual health to allow my physical health to fail.

  I'm learning how to be a dependent, humble, submissive, pliable, reliant, surrendered person, looking unto God for my righteousness, goodness, strength, and salvation. Ultimately, "letting Him", instead of thinking I can do it all by myself, which is such a ludicrous idea anyway.

  I could write a lot more, but that's quite enough for one post. I'm sure I'll be talking about this at another point in time along the way. After all, I'm still learning. =)

  You can listen to "Let Me" and download it for free HERE if you want (signup may be necessary, but it is quick and free). Lyrics can be viewed HERE.

All glory to Jesus,

Adriel

#music #songs